Forgiveness: What You Have to Know to Do It

by | Feb 2, 2016 | Gospel living, Spiritual Growth

Forgiveness: What You Have to Know to Do It

February isn’t just for Valentine’s….it’s for forgiveness…

In January, the blog focus was on using story to make goals and plans (stay tuned for the exciting new online story planning course if you want to do more with your plans!!).

It’s February, and we know what that means — L – O – V – E! But if you are an anti-Valentine’s Day party-goer-or-thrower, HOLD ON!!!

Because this month we’re going to immerse ourselves in THE source and essence of LOVE — GOD!

Forgiveness is critical to love…

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show us mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will trod our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:18-19

Really, who? Are we amazed by God’s forgiveness? Do we live in awe that…

  • he does not stay angry forever?
  • he delights to show mercy?
  • he keeps having compassion on us and hurls our iniquities into the sea?

If you have ever dared to love, you have needed forgiveness. Share on XIf you have ever dared to love, you have needed forgiveness. We all fail to love sacrificially and steadfastly, every day. And others fail us. We need forgiveness, and we need to forgive.

 

How do we learn the language of love — forgiveness?

John says that God’s love compels our love. So we must ask, HOW? 

I’m not going to pretend that one short blog post is going to solve your struggle with forgiveness. That happens as the gospel is massaged in to our hearts over time.

But I do have 3 specific suggestions for getting started.

  1. Take an Alaskan-view-look at God’s forgiving love. You know Alaskan-view-look? The kind of hole-mouthed, chin-raised, fixated-stare you proffer to massive mountains sliced by icy glaciers? We need to do this with God’s forgiveness.
  • Scroll up and read Micah 7:18-19 aloud at least twice. Ask that question of God — “Who are YOU?” and spend some time marveling at this God. It’s truly a puzzling story.
  1. List at least 20 sins God has forgiven you*. (You’ll probably want to do this in a private place, right? Because I know there are things on my list that will always stay between God and me. The atrocities that make me look back and say, “I can’t believe I did that.” (Note the lack of humility in that statement:-). But I don’t need to tell you all of them — just God.) Now, go back to Micah 7:18-19 and repeat again, “Who are YOU, GOD?”
  1. Love your enemies and bless those who persecute you. Ouch. That’s impossible. Yes, and Jesus tells us to do it in Matthew 5:44. Paul offers entire paragraphs explaining love that include this admonition.

How do we forgive our enemies?

Forgiving your enemies is hard, and it’s a process, sometimes a very long one.  Where there has been deep betrayal and/or abuse, it may be best to work through some of these with a trusted friend, pastor, or counselor.

That being said, we know that the gospel works in us to help us love our enemies and bless those who persecute us. Here are some actions you can take to “work out your faith with fear and trembling.”

  • Write their names and the wrongs they have done to you. (In that private place). (Forgiveness is neither denial nor excusing sin).(You can tear it up or delete it after you’ve written it.)
  • Write any ways you have repaid that person evil for evil or ways you’ve wanted to take revenge.
  • Ask God to take your anger or resentment and transform it into longings for healing for that person, and if possible, your relationship. (Forgiveness does not require reconciliation with an unrepentant sinner who is continuing to harm).
  • Pray for them. (Jesus said so). Write their names here, and ask God to renovate their hearts, to give them a gift, to show them a kindness. Beware: you might be part of God’s answer to that prayer:-)!!
  • Be patient in hope.
  • Start all over again and do it at least 490 times*, or until forgiveness sets in, whichever comes first:-). (Jesus told Peter to forgive 70 times 7 times. Most scholars believe he meant infinitely, but Margaret Feinberg playfully suggests that 490 times might be enough to change our hearts:-).
  • Write down any changes in heart you see along the way. 

Will you be finished forgiving that person when you’ve done all these things? Maybe. Maybe not. We cannot control how long forgiveness takes. We do know (at least) one thing. In Christ, God forgave us our debts; in Christ, we forgive our debtors. Our heart-renovation has begun; ministers of reconciliation we have become. Share on XOur heart-renovation has begun; ministers of reconciliation we have become.

Join me this month as we celebrate TRUE LOVE — God’s love. Subscribe to the blog so you won’t miss a single post — I promise not to stuff your inbox, and you will be the first to receive Living Story free resources!

*I owe this wonderfully challenging exercise as well as the idea of forgiving 490 times to Margaret Feinberg’s excellent chapter on Forgiveness in her workbook, Wonderstruck.

 

5 Ways to Have a Happy Thanksgiving

by | Nov 19, 2015 | Gospel living

5 Ways to Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Is there really such a thing as a Happy Thanksgiving?

If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you probably know that title’s a bit tongue-in-cheek. I tend to be a bit of a holiday cynic who recognizes that these “happy” occasions aren’t necessarily happy for all people. I don’t believe in “just put on a happy face” and the “sun’ll come out tomorrow.”

AND YET. I do believe that the gospel does lead us to a place of “happy,” “Thanks” and “giving.”

Here are 5 things the gospel tells me about “Happy Thanksgiving.”

  1. “Happy” means to a Christian far more that we are blessed, and it only takes a cursory glance at Luke 6:20-26 or Matthew 5:3-12 to see that blessing in the Christian story comes often from circumstances considered “unhappy” in the American story.
  2. “Thanks” often translates the Greek word “charis” in the Bible, the same word that means “grace.”
    What grace has operated in your life to bring you to today? Where have you known God’s favor? These are places to start with “thanks,” and they usually lead to many more.
  3. “Giving,” another core concept of the Christian narrative. In our story, it is impossible to receive grace without responding. Yes, we are called to “give thanks” to God for his mighty favor in our lives, but we are also called to give “thanks” to others by…
  4. “living” faith, hope, and love into others’ lives — “because he first loved us.” Whom will you love today, this week? How?
    When we love others, especially those who are different from us, we are living Thanksgiving in a way that will bring “happiness,” not just blessing but a true sense of joy, delight, rest, and contentment — shalom!
  5. Turkey. Despite the fact that I have a heart to live a happy thanksgiving in my life, I’ll probably end up being a turkey at some point in the next week. That is, I may throw  a very unhappy pity party for myself somewhere along the way. May I never forget, when I do turn inward in sin, that the good news, the happy news, for which I am thankful every day is that I am a sinner saved by grace!

So there you go. Happy Thanksgiving. Now it’s your turn. Share YOUR ideas on having a “Happy Thanksgiving.” Don’t forget to include practical things like “don’t forget to thaw out the turkey!” :-)! Also, make sure to sign up for the free Thanksgiving story topics if you want more inspiration!

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Parent-Sinners parent sinners

by | Oct 17, 2011 | Gospel living, Parenting, Spiritual Growth

It's hard to be angry and yet not sin with our children.

“ 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (I Timothy 1:15-16)

This post is continued – sorry to have left the child-sinners hanging on Friday, but I wanted to save the most important point for last. (When my daughter saw the title of my post on Facebook, she wrote, ‘This should be interesting!:).

As parents, we are the “chief” sinners (for more on the concept of leaders as chief sinners, see Dan Allender’s Leading with a Limp). This is because we know more and have lived longer. It is our job to ask forgiveness first when we have done harm to one of our children. I have many stories to illustrate this point, but I’ll settle on one:

Many years ago, I lost my temper with one of my children – AGAIN. I knew I had blown it, and I sent him to his room for time-out before I did any further harm. I prayed (that sounds calmer than it was – more like, “God! HELP!” through clenched teeth). When I had cooled slightly, I visited his room to deliver my apology. “I am really sorry. I lost my temper.”

His words still rattle me as I think about how easy and devastating it would have been to walk through the easy exit he gave me: “Yeah, but mom, if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have…” I stopped him with an answer the Holy Spirit must have put in me, because I wouldn’t have thought of it on my own: “Son, your sin is yours to deal with before God and me, but my sin is mine to deal with. I cannot blame my sin on you. I need to ask God’s forgiveness and yours.”

That’s the gospel. We parents sin. We sin more when we blame our children for our sin. We do need to ask forgiveness when we wrong them. How else will they learn the humility to ask forgiveness for themselves? I wish there were some easier way to teach this, but there’s not. And more importantly, as “ambassadors of reconciliation,” it is more than a parenting lesson, it is a calling. That good news will be our topic tomorrow.