A Back-to-School Lesson about Performance-Based Acceptance

In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— Ephesians 1:4-5

Just shy of 59-years-old, I was headed back to school. I was excited to begin my Doctor of Ministry program, but I was also daunted by the prospect of returning to the classroom. In many ways, I felt like an incoming high school freshman:

• Would I be accepted?
• Would the other classmates (all men) think I didn’t belong?
• What did people wear to class?
• Would anybody eat lunch with me?

At one level, my doubts were normal; at another, they revealed a deeply-rooted sinful propensity to believe I can only be accepted on the basis of my performance. A guest speaker helped me to recognize this idol I have long worshiped. The seventy-three-year-old professor, a gentle and jolly man with kind eyes and a soft voice, confessed, “All of my life I’ve struggled with performance-based acceptance (PBA). But I’ve learned that the only hope for escape is to remember my identity in Christ.” Remembering our identity in Christ, he assured us, reduces the anxiety that the idol of PBA arouses. 

I pondered his words and discovered how true they were. There are many ways that remembering our identity in Christ calms the compulsion to seek acceptance through performance. Today, I’ll share just one: when we remember that we are in Christ, we know that we belong to the Father, and our insecurities about belonging elsewhere fade away. Let me illustrate with an example.

On the first day of class, waiting for my turn to introduce myself, killer butterflies waged a ferocious battle in my gut. When my turn finally came, the class professor extended his hand toward me, saying, “This is Elizabeth, and my wife and I have been friends with Kip and Elizabeth for years.” Boom. All the butterflies flew away, and I relaxed, feeling confident and secure. What did my professor do for me? He gave me a stamp of approval that told the other guys I belonged. He removed my drive to prove my worthiness through performance. I was accepted on the basis of our relationship. 

This story reminds me of the greater truth of my identity in Christ—I am accepted by the Father on the basis of my relationship with his Son. Christ has taken on my sin and given me his righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). I no longer have to advocate for myself because Jesus has already made the case for me (1 John 2:1). Not only does Jesus advocate for us; in him, we belong to the Father. We are his adopted children, and we can’t be unadopted (Ephesians 1:5). 

What incredibly good news. I could relax and enjoy class. I belonged. Not only because my friend spoke for me, but even more, because in Christ, I am secure as a member of God’s family. We are all now joined as the family of God, anticipating the day when we will never again be duped into believing our performance could make us worthy of God’s love. 

Dear friends, you may or may not be headed back to school this year, but if you believe the lie that you must perform to be accepted, I pray you will turn to Christ, remembering that he has already died that you might belong to the Father, and that belonging to the Father is the deepest and truest acceptance you’ve ever needed. 

Prayer

Lord Jesus,

Thank you for your reminder that in you, we are more than enough. We are beloved in you and we belong to you. Massage this truth down deep into our hearts. As we root our security in you, send us out to invite others to know the joyous hope of being children of God. 

Further Encouragement

Read Ephesians 1:3-14, 2 Corinthians 5:15-21; 1 John 2:1.

Listen to We Belong to You.

For Reflection

Have you ever believed that you needed to perform well to be accepted? How does remembering what is true about you in Christ help you to turn away from performance-based acceptance?