What Is God’s Plan for Parenting?
A craving for certainty
True confession: At times, my desire for certainty borders on craving. In all areas of my life, but particularly as a mom. My craving for certainty has been a prevailing struggle through now-30-years of motherhood. I want to be sure of what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. I also want results!
God seems to have different plans. In no other arena of my life have I felt less certainty and more pressure about seemingly life-altering decisions.
Some matters are small (though they may seem huge at the time)—like whether to schedule feed my baby to get her to sleep through the night; how to pep up school lunches to get a finicky child to eat.
Others are clearly momentous—like, how to get our adolescents to “just say no” to drugs; which treatment options to use for a chronically ill child.
Part of God’s plan for parenting is to grow us up.
Dan Allender says, in one of my favorite parenting books, How Children Raise Parents:
“…no other arena in life holds us more hostage to hope, more afraid to dream, more defensive about our decisions, and more open to receive help…[Parenting] is the space in our lives where we are most open to the work of God to change us….”
His words make me ask…
What if, for a moment, we quit reading parenting books, stopped listening to the other working moms by the water cooler at work…
What if we got really still and knew that God is God?
What if we became curious about what God is up to in our uncertainty? Could he be calling us to do the two hardest things to do as a parent?
The two hardest things to do as a parent…
- Let go of control.
- Depend on the saving power of Christ.
What might that look like?
Letting go of control as parents…
First, let’s talk about what letting go of control does not mean:
- letting our toddlers boss us around.
- saying, “Whatever” when our kids decide they want to stop doing homework or showing up at school.
- allowing our children to get their way.
Here are some things it might mean to let go of control:
- Stopping in the middle of our craziness. Just. Slow. Down.
- Remembering the power, plans, and promises of God.
- Keeping a catalogue of stories from Scripture where God showed up and did the impossible in unexpected ways (the Abraham, Sarah, and Isaac story in Genesis 12-21 is one of my favorites).
- Remembering how God has worked in your life or child’s life in the past.
- Confessing the truth to God: “I want to be in charge here. I’m not really sure I trust you to do the best thing for my child (!). (This is where I realize how foolish I am to think I love my child more than God).
- Asking for help.
Which brings us to the second order of repentance:
…depending on Christ as parents.
Again, let’s talk about what this doesn’t mean.
- It doesn’t mean that we choose not to seek a doctor’s help with a screaming, feverish baby.
- It doesn’t mean we leave it to the youth minister to communicate the gospel to our teenager.
Here’s what it does look like:
- Knowing that God first loved us—and our children—while we were sinners (Romans 5:6-8).
- Knowing that we are made right through Christ (2 Cor. 5:21), not through our own perfect parenting decisions.
- Knowing that our children are made right through Christ, not through their grades at school, their college admissions, or even their obedience to their parents (though that is a fruit of being ‘in Christ.’)
- Remembering that in Christ, we have the Holy Spirit as our helper (John 14:18), to bring wisdom and to heal, and to do brand new things.
- Waiting to see how God will work in our lives and our children’s lives to bring us to himself.
Stripped of all of our devices, weary of trying this tip or that program to get our kids to do better in school, “just say no” to drugs, make good friendships, we lay ourselves before him and utter the most essential word for good parenting, “Lord, help!” I believe this may be closer to God’s plan for parenting. What do you think?
A Prayer for God’s Plan for Parenting
Lord,
Forgive us for not trusting your plans for our parenting. Thank you that you are teaching us to depend on Jesus and to trust you more and more each day. Help us to keep turning over control to you. By your mercy in Jesus, we ask. Amen.
Photo by Vivek Kumar on Unsplash.