Beginning the week thinking about how living the gospel makes a difference in how we do relationships:
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5 for each one should carry his own load.” GALATIANS 6:2-5
Here’s what Keller says in his Galatians study:
Moralism often makes relationships into a blame-game. Why? The moralist is very consciously trying to earn salvation through performance, and that includes relationships. Moralists must maintain a self-image of being “a good person.”
Now some moralists do so by laying the blame on others, by being very judgmental and by always insisting that they are in the right. There is a lack of teachability, humble admission of error or listening. But moralists can also play the blame-game by laying the blame on themselves.
Moralists can “earn their salvation” and convince ourselves we are worthy persons through being very willing to help others. This kind of self-salvation superficially makes the moralist look very open to listen, very humble, very teachable.
But this can be co-dependency, a form of self-salvation through severely needing people’s approval or through needing people to need you (i.e. saving yourself by saving others). So moralism works through either blaming others or blaming yourself. Either way, it makes relationships torturous.
Questions I’m asking myself about this:
1 — How do I try to ‘earn my salvation’ by being willing to help others? What does healthy “helping others” look like, and how does it look different from self-salvation?
2 — When do I blame others in relationships? What idol is underneath that?
A prayer I’m praying:
Lord, I have such bad habits of moralism in relationships, the only hope for me is that you will show me the way to love others well without confusing that with earning anyone’s approval. On the flip side, Lord, please fix that knee-jerk response I have of blaming others when something goes wrong. Even if they did do something wrong, keep me from sitting in judgment over them; move my heart to forgive them because I have been forgiven. In the name of the Savior who makes this third way possible, AMEN!
