“There is a hidden culture of girls’ aggression in which bullying is epidemic, distinctive, and destructive. It is not marked by the direct physical and verbal behavior that is primarily the province of boys. Our culture refuses girls access to open conflict, and it forces their aggression into nonphysical, indirect, and covert forms. Girls use backbiting, exclusion, rumors, name-calling, and manipulation to inflict psychological pain on targeted victims.” Rachel Simmons, Odd Girl Out The question I’ve been asking for months is, “Is ‘sisterhood,’ that is, deep, engaging, loving, forgiving, reconciling community, possible for women?” Rachel Simmons’ book, Odd Girl Out, is a chilling and tough read. The stories of cruelty among girls would be impossible to believe if I didn’t know their real life truth firsthand from stories my teenage daughters tell me. Simmons’ book was written in 2002, but the realities of fallen relationships among women span time and culture. Scripture names stories that could be told in Simmons’ book. Think Rachel and Leah. Think Sarai and Hagar. Think Mary and Martha.
There is no hope for women relationally without the gospel. Left to have its way, our sin will destroy any healthy female relationship. Our selfishness will lead us to suck the life out of friendships. Our fear will lead us to compare and shrivel or compete and do harm. Our shame will cause us to hide or harm. And yet, and yet…the joy and hope we celebrate in this season suggest that our sin does not rule the day. Just as Christ was born into the world to conquer physical death, his life, death, and incarnation deconstructs the relational suicide and murder we enact as women. My conclusion: TRUE SISTERHOOD IS POSSIBLE because of what Christ has done for us and is doing in us! What do you think? Is true sisterhood possible? What moments in your life have led you to give up on healthy relationships with women? What stories give you hope? For more on this subject, listen to the conversation I had with Constance Rhodes and Paige Armstrong at www.truesisterhood.com. We talked about how sharing stories can help to grow sisterhood.
