What Is Prudence, and Do You Want It?

by | Apr 24, 2018 | A Woman's Story, Bible study, Spiritual Growth

What Is Prudence, and Do You Want It?

Whatever happened to prudence?

As I mentioned last week, I’ve been wondering about wisdom, so I turned to Proverbs. In my reading, this word prudence keeps popping up. Wisdom and prudence walk hand in hand:

“I wisdom, dwell with prudence,

And I find knowledge and discretion.” Proverbs 8:12

Does anyone want to be prudent in the 21stcentury? What does prudence mean, anyway?

A little dictionary exploration led to this discovery:

Prudence = “caution or circumspection as to danger or risk” (Merriam-Webster.com)

Prudence defies current bestseller wisdom.

In that case, prudence is definitely not the in-thing in the 21stcentury: we’re supposed to be dangerous, bold, and risky! At least that’s what the titles in the self-help section urge us to do: Dare Boldly! Own the Day, Own Your Life!Or, if we’re not being dangerous and bold, we should do things that involve what my grandmother always called four-lettter words: “How to not give a…” or “Make [stuff] happen”…In other words: Be reckless…be care-less!

Such is the bookstore wisdom of the 21stcentury. Here’s a thought, maybe even a modern-day proverb:

It's not a good idea to be bold and risky unless you're also wise and prudent. Share on X

A Prudent Woman

What does the ancient wisdom of Proverbs teach us about prudence? I looked at a few of the Proverbs as well as some other biblical wisdom and came up with this sketch of a prudent woman:

  1. She’s knowledgeable but restrained.

Prudent people don’t flaunt their knowledge;
talkative fools broadcast their silliness.  Proverbs 12:23, The MSG

Even if she’s been married for 35 years, she resists giving marriage counsel to her newly engaged daughter, unless she specifically asks for it, and even then, she proceeds cautiously.

2. She doesn’t have a quick temper.

Fools have short fuses and explode all too quickly;
the prudent quietly shrug off insults. Proverbs 12:16, The MSG

If her co-worker jabs her with a snarky remark, she either responds graciously, inviting the insulter to be kind, or she remains silent. Wisdom tells her when to speak and when to remain silent.

3. She’s appropriately cautious.

A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.
The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences. Proverbs 22:3, NLT

The prudent woman may choose to be a firefighter, but she will never try to fight a fire without the covering of both protective gear and protective prayer.

4. She receives correction humbly and openly.

A fool despises his father’s instruction,

But whoever heeds reproof is prudent. Proverbs 15:5, ESV

When her husband tells her she’s not pressing the right button on the remote, she doesn’t flip out on him – she thanks him and asks him to show her which one to press. Or, more importantly, when her husband tells her he was hurt by her sarcastic remark about his driving, she apologizes and asks God for help guarding her tongue.

5. She recognizes the hope of the gospel.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18, NIV

A prudent woman is neither proud nor self-righteous. Her signature humility and grace derive from her understanding that she is a sinner richly forgiven by God and made wonderfully new by his work.

Prayer: Lord, help us to grow in prudence, to be patient and kind, wise and humble, bold but aware of danger, open to correction and ready to repent. Grow us up in the wisdom of the Cross. In Jesus’ wise name we pray, Amen.

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Whatever Happened to Wisdom?

by | Apr 17, 2018 | Bible study, Gospel living

Whatever Happened to Wisdom?

What is wisdom?

What I need, I thought as I read Mary Elizabeth Blake’s posts about social media, is a wise tongue. I have begun to be more intentional about how I post, how I comment, and how I spend time looking at people’s pictures and posts with or without commenting. Thinking about a wise tongue made me think about wisdom itself – what is wisdom, and does anyone even want it anymore?

It turns out, based on an internet search, that many people in the 21stcentury think of wisdom in terms of “mindfulness,” which apparently means being attentive to what’s going on in the here and now. There are even entire conferences devoted to wisdom, Wisdom 2.0, for example. The stated purpose of the Wisdom 2.0 conference is to help people learn how “to live with greater wisdom, purpose, and meaning, while using technology in ways that create a more open and healthy culture.”

When I read that, I thought, “Hoo-RAH! I don’t have to shell out 1000 bucks for a conference to get this wisdom! I have a book that’s been around since before time began that teaches me how to live life in the here and now AND the hereafter! Not only that, it points me to the One who made all of that possible!”

Free wisdom!

You probably have it too, or you can read it for free! It’s the book of Proverbs, smack dab in the middle of the Bible. Have you read it lately? I am re-reading it and finding a lot that applies to my here-and-now-and-everafter life.

Consider these five verses and how they might help us grow in wisdom, purpose, meaning, mindfulness, and healthy relationships:

  1. On paying attention to the here and now in order to learn something, in this case, to work hard:

You lazy fool, look at an ant. Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.

Nobody has to tell it what to do.

All summer it stores up food; at harvest it stockpiles provisions. Proverbs 6:6-8, The MSG.

(Don’t you just love how Proverbs speaks bluntly J!).

  1. On finding a strong sense of purpose:

Whoever goes hunting for what is right and kind

Finds life itself – glorious life! Proverbs 21:21, The MSG

  1. On finding meaning in life:

Leave your impoverished confusion and live!

Walk up the street to a life with meaning. Proverbs 9:6, The MSG

  1. On loving someone who is hurting:

 Wise words are like deep waters; wisdom flows from the wise like a bubbling brook. Proverbs 18:4, NLT

  1. On interacting with anyone, anytime:

 Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you. Proverbs 11:17, NLT

The good news of Proverbs is that there is wisdom for daily life; the better news is that there is One who is living wisdom, who sacrificed his life for us so that we might also live wisely:  Jesus.

Wisdom challenge:

Read or re-read Proverbs with Jesus in mind, and pray that you may live and love wisely in God’s story of grace.

Prayer:

Lord, God, we thank you for your wisdom and teaching on how to use words gently, kindly, and wisely. Help us to give life with our words and actions as you have taught us to do through your Servant, Jesus. In his life-giving name we pray, Amen.

 

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3 Healthy Habits for Using Social Media

by | Apr 10, 2018 | Gospel living, Parenting

3 Healthy Habits for Using Social Media

Can we develop healthy habits for social media?

Guest poster, Mary Elizabeth Blake, graduate student in counseling, joins us again for the second part in the social media “mini-series.” Here’s Mary Elizabeth:

Last week, I shared three dangers of social media: narcissistic behavior, depressive symptoms, and habituation. If you missed this post, click here to read that first. Today, I offer three helpful tips for using social media in healthy ways:

  1. Track your usage

This may seem obvious to you, but for many, it is not. Did you know that most smartphones will tell you exactly how much time you have spent on different apps? If you can’t locate this on your phone, you can download various apps to tell you. Apps like “Moment” and “In Moment” allow you to see just how much time you spend on social media and actually regulate that usage for you. (This is also helpful for parents;-).

  1. Use it for good

  • When you do use social media, find the ways social media can be used for good. Facebook now offers ways for people to donate to a charity on your birthday—consider doing this or contributing in honor of a friend.
  • When you see a shared article or blog with an opinion that contradicts yours, do not comment/tweet back/dislike. Instead, humble yourself and pray for the writer or the sharer (or both).
  • Additionally, when you are about to post something, consider why you are posting.
    • Is it to be noticed?
    • To fit in?
    • To be liked?
    • Or is it to encourage others?
    • To show off God’s creation?
    • To express gratitude for the blessings God has given you?

(Note: You don’t always have to think through this question; for example, definitely post that picture of your family gathered at Thanksgiving. That IS a blessing! even if your caption doesn’t say it is!!)

  1. Center your use on routine

Remember the habituation danger we discussed last week?

  • Consider setting up a social media time each week, or every couple of days, to check in online. If you have decided your online time will be Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 1-2 pm, but it’s a Saturday afternoon and you don’t have plans, everything inside you might scream, “pick up your phone so you won’t be bored!!” Don’t give in. Do something creative like doodling, or take a walk, or call a friend.
  • Pay attention to the impulse. This applies to more than just social media usage. In his famous soliloquy (as I like to think of it), Paul says,

For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me…Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. (Romans 7: 18b-20, 24-25)

Paul is getting at mindfulness. He knows his mind will fail him because of the sin that is inside him. Our mind is impulsive. Our mind wants to do what it wants to do, and it wants to do it now! Who will deliver us from our impulsive sin? Thanks be to God, through His Son who died to free us from sin’s enslavement.

The hope of the gospel is that you are freed from enslavement to sin. Remember this good news as you work on using social media outlets in healthy and enjoyable ways that do not tear down.

I hope you have found this mini-series on social media to be helpful. Check out these resources if you’re interested in learning more.

Books:

Websites:

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What You Need to Know about Social Media

by | Apr 3, 2018 | Gospel living, Parenting

What You Need to Know about Social Media

Is social media really dangerous?

This week and next, we are joined by guest blogger Mary Elizabeth Blake, a first-year graduate student in the Marriage and Family Therapy program at Reformed Theological Seminary Jackson. After reading a paper she wrote on social media and narcissism, I urged her to share some of what she learned with our readers because it’s top-level, relevant information we need to know.

Life behind the screen

This ACTUALLY happened: Last week, I was reading in Starbucks and watched a group of 4 teenage girls walk in, order their coffee, sit down, and…stare at their own phones in silence. SILENCE! I mean, don’t get me wrong, this introvert cherishes quiet, but this scene stunned me. Has our ability to relate to others been confined to life behind a screen?

It is no secret that technology is slowly destroying the planet distracting us from the foundations of true community. If I were the mother of any of those girls and saw her idea of “hanging out with friends,” I would probably embarrass her by sitting her down for a little chit-chat on what real community looks like and reminding her of the immanent dangers of social media usage. Then I would drive her home, pull out my memory box, hand her my Razr flip phone, teach her T-9, and take her iPhone away. (Okay, I’m probably going to need some parenting tips before Caleb and I have children!)

The good of social media

But if I am truthful to myself, to you, and to my hypothetical daughter, I love my phone and social media just as much as these girls do. There are so many wonderful opportunities that the Internet provides for us like catching up with old friends, making new ones, learning new things, supporting businesses we couldn’t otherwise support, showing everyone what our dogs look like when they are sleeping, and the list goes on and on…

You may be thinking: Please, Mary Elizabeth, spare us all the dangers of social media!!! Okay, friends, I will save you from hearing ALL of the dangers. However, I think as a community of believers who live primarily in relation to God and secondarily in relation to other people, we are responsible for recognizing how sin stains even the things that were created for good.

3 Dangers of Social Media

Danger 1: Narcissism

Social media sites and applications are formed around the idea of ME! MySpace was one of the first major social media sites – the title alone reveals their investment in “ME.” The me-centered mentality is further fed by individuals on these sites posting selfies, tracking likes, perfecting the following/follower ratio, etc. We are taught that we can regulate these things if we simply try hard enough. How does that shift over into our lifestyles offline? Not well, my friends. Our narcissistic personalities are frustrated in the “real world” by

  1. the lack of control over our circumstances,
  2. the fact that others are not centered on “ME” too, and
  3. the feeling that real life is uninteresting compared to online life.

Danger 2: Depression

In a 2016 study of the correlation between depression and social media usage, about 29.2% of people aged 19-30 showed moderate symptoms of depression, and 26.5% showed high symptoms of depression. That’s over 50% of people1! While the results of this study simply show us that people who use social media are very likely to become depressed, it fails to explore the how. Maybe you and I can take an educated stab at it. The DSM defines depression as “the presence of sad, empty, or irritable mood, accompanied by somatic and cognitive changes that significantly affect the individual’s capacity to function.”

  • Have you ever looked at a picture of a friend’s party and felt sad because you weren’t invited?
  • Have you ever seen a new mother’s post and felt physically and emotionally empty as you reflect on a previous miscarriage?
  • Have you ever said, “not now, kiddo” to your child (or in my case, dog child) as you swipe through your Instagram feed?

These are just a few examples of ways someone could experience social-media triggered depression.

Danger 3: Habituation

I love routine. I wake up every morning, make a cup of coffee, sit down next to my dog, read my Bible, and begin schoolwork. I actually think God loves routine (as exemplified in his unchanging grace and in covenantal faithfulness). Social media thrives on our usage, and will continue to draw us in with new features and reminders when we’ve been away for a while.

If you notice yourself needing to check in online every other hour or so, it may have become habitual for you. The difference between routine and habit is intentional cognitive choice. Are you clicking the app because it is routine (you are choosing) to see what is going on with friends, or are you clicking out of habit, almost unaware that you are even doing so?

If you’re like me, you may be feeling overwhelmed with hearing the dangers of something that was built to be fun and enjoyed! Rest assured – there are healthy ways to use social media and other online resources. Stay tuned — next week, I will share some ways to fight the dangers and enjoy social media appropriately.

References:

  1. Lin, L.Y, Sidani, J.E., Shensa, A., Radovic, A. Miller, E., Colditz, J.B., Hoffman, B.L, Giles, L.M, & Primack, B.A. (2016). Association between social media use and depression among U.S. young adults. Depression and Anxiety, 33, 323–331. http://dx.doi.org/10.1002/da.22466

 

Following Christ after Lent: A True Story

by | Apr 18, 2017 | Bible study, Scripture, Spiritual Growth

Following Christ after Lent: A True Story

True story: when spammers get it right…

The Spammers are now making comments on my site that I haven’t posted in a while. That’s bad when Spammers’ comments are on target.

Ah, it has been a FULL season, and time is squoze, but I’m giving myself a timed 20 minutes to share something that’s on my heart and I really want y’all to know about. We’ll see where it goes.

Do you want to follow Christ? This man thought he did…or did he?

Tonight at the jail I’m going to teach the ladies the first lesson from Stott’s “Christ” Bible study guide – entitled, “Are You Ready to Meet Christ?” The Scripture is from Mark 10:17-31, the sad but true story of a rich young religious man who seeks Christ to ask him what he must DO to inherit eternal life?

The poor [sic] man seems fairly confident that he’s in good shape – after all, he’s kept ALL of the commandments that Christ mentions he should keep to inherit eternal life.

Except, not to be snarky or anything (Christ is far gentler than I – but you knew that – see Mark 10:21 where Christ looked on him and loved him),
but you might think he’d notice that Christ left a few out in his list (see Mark 10:19 and Exodus 20:3-16) – like, namely, the very first one –

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.” Exodus 20:3.

The young rich ruler cannot do what Christ asks of him in verse 21. It is impossible.

It’s impossible to DO that…

Why? Jesus explains to the disciples with an analogy – it is easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God (Mark 10:25). That is such an astonishing statement that their response is a jaw-dropped,

“Well, then, who can be saved?”

And now we get to the point of the whole passage and the thing that is on my heart to share –

“With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God.” Mark 10: 27.

We just celebrated the RESURRECTION OF CHRIST. What hinders you from knowing and following Christ? Everything. And nothing. At the jail, the ladies’ problem will not likely be with their riches. It will be with something else they cling to that brings a sense of security and significance. It will be with some way that they try to save themselves.

What kept me from following Christ? What keeps you?

In my heart, the thing that kept me from entering the kingdom of God wasn’t really related to wealth, although by this world’s standards, I had it.

What kept me from coming to Christ is something Walter Marshall talks about in his A-MAZING book, The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification, translated into readable English by Bruce McRae –

“You are so naturally prone to base your salvation on your own works! Even if you do not try to earn your salvation by your works, you will at least try to make your works the things that prepare you to received Christ and his salvation by faith.

Marshall then tells us about the WRONG TEACHING we are given:

“Do you see what they are saying? Your works do not save you, but your works make you fit and worthy to receive Christ. This view has terrible results: many will clearly see, with horror, the abominable filth of their own hearts. However, they will not come immediately to Christ because they will think they are not worthy to come to Christ.”

You know what really kept the rich young ruler from coming to Christ?

He thought he could DO something to inherit eternal life! He thought HE could do something to inherit eternal life!!!!!

Weak and wounded sinner, come to Jesus and lay your broken, clingy heart before him.

With MAN it is IMPOSSIBLE, but with GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

 

 

3 More Ways for Weary Moms to Rest

by | Aug 22, 2016 | Gospel living, Parenting

3 More Ways for Weary Moms to Rest

To weary moms, continued…

Last week, I posted the first part of a letter I wrote to any moms wearied by the work of raising children. Today, enjoy part 2!

Dear weary mom, you have permission, in Christ, to stop…

  1. trying to be supermom. God designed us to be interdependent with others. Accept help and ask for it.

Are you trying to nurse a baby, help a first grader with homework, and cook dinner while your husband is sitting on the couch checking email? Ask him for help. It is true — he’s had a long day at work, but you’ve had a long day at work too. These days won’t be this busy FOREVER!! He won’t regret his involvement, and you won’t either.

Your next-door-neighbor loves to stay and watch mini-mite football practice. You have two other drop-offs to make. Why not ask him if he minds driving your son too?

God provides us with rest in the most practical of ways — we are members of a body with different gifts and in different seasons.

  1. saying “yes.” Practice one eloquent way to say “no” to the zillions of requests sent your way:

Someone else will be room mom (or dad), or maybe no one else will step up. The teacher does need help, but you’re caring for your aging grandmother — can you really do both without exhausting yourself?

It will require making some people unhappy (see number 1) and trusting that God will provide a way (Isaiah 43:19), but it will allow you the rest you were made for.

Dear weary mom, you have permission to make people unhappy. Share on X
  • Other things you may pronounce a guilt-free “no” to:
    sending homemade cupcakes to school for your child’s birthday,
  • buying your 16-year-old a new car,
  • and taking responsibility for your child’s failure or sin.

  1. saying “no.” Say yes to more play and rest.

Let’s be honest — it can become a habit, right?

“No, you can’t come in past curfew.”
“No, you can’t eat dessert before dinner.”
“No, you can’t watch Leave it to Beaver before you do your homework (TVLand, anyone:-)?).”
(And yes, when I was a child, I watched Leave it to Beaver every day before I did my homework:-)! (While eating Chips Ahoy cookies and drinking full-tilt Coke!)

Say yes to rest by saying no to one of the 40 volleyball/soccer games your two combined children will compete in. If you’re an introvert, stay home and lie on the couch with a good book; if you’re an extrovert, don a lime green feather boa and go to Chile’s with ten of your closest friends.

3 More Ways for Weary Moms to Rest Share on X

Tell the kids to skip the room cleanup and go out for ice cream. Let them take a sick day – adults get them – why shouldn’t they (I know – because they get school holidays:-) – but still!)? Tell them they can’t dump a bucket of ice on you for a good cause, but you will help them have a bake sale to raise money.

Rest, weary mom, because God created rest and Jesus gives rest.

“ And on the seventh day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all his work that he had done.” Gen. 2:2

Come to him, you weary and heavy-laden mom, and rest, for truly his yoke is easy and his burden is light.

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SHARING IS CARING :-)!

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