Why Inviting Others into Your Grief Matters

Why Inviting Others into Your Grief Matters

Have you ever had say something completely insensitive to you when you were grieving a loss? In today’s blog, we consider why we need to take the risk of inviting others to grieve with us, even when they may get it wrong. (This is an outtake from From Recovery to Restoration, because I accidentally wrote 61 meditations instead of 60!).

Letting Others Weep with Us

Weep with those who weep. Romans 12:15, ESV

When her nine-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia, Malea often met with awkward responses. One friend was so distraught upon hearing the news that Malea had to comfort her in the church parking lot for ten minutes. Another friend spotted her in the grocery store then turned quickly and scurried away. A hospital visitor told her about a distant cousin who had recently died of leukemia. When we are in the midst of crisis, people will not always respond helpfully. Even so, Scripture calls us to invite the body of Christ into our grief, because God uses his church as a conduit of his healing and hope.

The command to “weep with those who weep” comes right in the middle of Paul’s instructions about living as the body of Christ (Romans 12). If we are “those who weep,” others are called to weep with us, and we are called to allow them to do so, even invite them to do so. How does God work in this communal grief?

Dr. Gerry Sittser, who lost his wife, daughter, and mother in a car accident, wrote that he often felt numb after their deaths, unable to pray and sing in church. He said, “The church is a community. Sometimes some members of that community, even through time and space, carry others, because we do not have the capacity to function the same way. I remember very vividly my inability to sing and pray in the months and, really, years after the accident. I decided to let the church sing and pray for me, not only the church here and now but the church everywhere, and well, ‘everywhen.’”

As Sittser suggests, in the season following crisis and loss, we may find ourselves spiritually, physically, and emotionally incapacitated. By the power of the Holy Spirit, the church embodies Christ’s love, entering our grief, and bearing us along in our weakness. Here are just a few of the ways God might bring you healing and hope through his church:

When you are struggling with doubt, others will believe and hope for you, lifting you to the Lord with their prayers and encouragement.

When you are feeling discouraged, a friend will share a story of how God rescued in their lives or in Scripture, and you will gain courage for the journey.

When you can’t focus long enough to read Scripture or pray, someone will send you a verse or a prayer that gives you new courage.

When your tears seem to fall unceasingly, friends will weep with you and for you, reminding you that you are never alone in your grief.

Dear friend, it may feel risky to invite others to weep with you. But as you do, you will discover a powerful source of healing and hope.

Prayer

Lord,

Thank you for integrating us into the body you have created in Christ. Help us to trust others enough to invite them into our grief, and help them to enter it with your grace and love. In Jesus’ weeping name, Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Romans 12; Hebrews 10:24-25; 1 Corinthians 13:7.

Listen to “Blest Be the Tie” by Sara Groves.

For Reflection

In what ways have people joined you in your grief? In what ways could you reach out to invite others into your grief?

From Recovery to Restoration cover

Get Hope for Troubling Times

Advance Review for From Recovery to Restoration

"When the storms of life crash into our lives, the devastation left behind is often overwhelming. Recovery and healing is slow and arduous. Elizabeth Turnage's devotional is for all those laboring toward recovery. From Recovery to Restoration is a hope-filled, gospel-laced, and Christ-exalting book which invites us into God's story of redemption and helps us see how he is at work to redeem and restore all things, even the aftermath of our personal losses, heartaches, and trials."

Christina Fox

Writer, Counselor, Speaker

author of A Heart Set Free: A Journey to Hope Through the Psalms of Lament.

Knowing the Knowledge that Changes the World

Knowing the Knowledge that Changes the World

Although this excerpt from The Waiting Room: 60 Meditations for Finding Peace & Hope in Crisis was written about seeking certainty in the midst of health crisis, it applies to all of the ways we may seek to “know,” “to have certainty,” and how God calls us to trust him, even when we don’t have all the answers. In this election season, I need to ask myself where I am putting my trust. Maybe you do too!

Knowledge That Will Change Your World

Thus says the Lord, your Redeemer,
    who formed you from the womb:
“I am the Lord, who made all things,
    who alone stretched out the heavens,
    who spread out the earth by myself….

Isaiah 44:24, ESV

“Knowledge that will change your world…”

It is a brilliant tagline for a hospital. I first noticed it on a sticker in the parking deck of the medical center. It plays right into our deepest fears and fiercest desires in the season of a health crisis. I do not fault the hospital for using it. Instead, I thank them for the hope it offered us.

After all, many of the worlds experts were gathered at this medical center, and they knew (almost) everything there was to know about brain tumors. Our neurosurgeon operated exclusively on brain tumors. He had performed thousands of awake craniotomies. Surely these people had the knowledge that would change our sons world.

And yetI recognize my own idolatry in that way of thinking. Idols are things we trust in more than God to deliver us. Long ago, I heard a speaker suggest we uncover our idols by asking, Where do you find your security, significance, and sense of safety? As we played the waiting game, I would have had to confess, I am seeking my sense of security and safety in these world-expert doctors.

The Bible warns us about putting our trust in idols, in earthly things that do not really have the power to save us. Isaiah 44 describes foolish people who take a piece of wood, use half of it to make a fire and the other half to carve an idol. They fall down before the idol and worship it, saying, Rescue me… you are my god (Isaiah 44:17, NLT). But the idol neither blinks nor moves, for it is merely a piece of wood. Isaiah observes, The poor, deluded fool feeds on ashes. He trusts something that cant help him at all” (Isaiah 44:20, NLT).

Please don’t misunderstand me – I do believe doctors and medical experts have much knowledge and skill to offer us. Still, the gospel invites us to trust fully in the one, true GOD who can and will deliver us, the God who made all things and knows all things. God, who has the knowledge that will truly change our world, invites us to come to him and rest in him.

Prayer

All-knowing, ever-loving Father, you are our Creator and Redeemer. You know us fully, and one day we will fully know you and fully trust you. Thank you for the knowledge you have given to medical personnel and their faithfulness in acquiring it. Help us to trust in your knowledge more than theirs. In the name of your redeeming Son, our Savior, Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Isaiah 43:9-20; Proverbs 3:5-6.

Listen to “He Is God” by Susan Calderazzo at https://www.reverbnation.com/susancalderazzo/songs.

For Reflection: In what things are you looking for a sense of security, safety and significance during this season?

A Good Read for Hard Times: The Waiting Room Devotional

What to Do When the News Is Overwhelming

What to Do When the News Is Overwhelming

Dear Friends, 

I don’t know about you, but I can be sucked into the media scrolls and screens. In this season, perhaps more than ever, we need to remember where to set our minds. Enjoy this excerpt from From Recovery to Restoration: 60 Meditations for Finding Peace & Hope in Crisis today. 

Set Your Minds on Things Above

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Colossians 3:1, ESV

We scroll through our social media feeds, searching Twitter, Facebook, Instagram—for what?  We glue our eyes to the news at any and every hour of the day, filling our minds with words and words and words from people we don’t know and barely trust. Pandemic panic has set in, and our world is seeking hope and help, but the apostle Paul suggests we may be looking in the wrong places. 

Paul reminds us that we have been raised with Christ; that reality changes everything about where we should look for hope and help. He tells us to “seek the things above, where Christ is…” (Colossians 3:1). To seek the things above is to seek the one who first sought us—Jesus. To seek the things above is to look first for the things that Jesus cares most about, his kingdom and his righteousness. As we seek the things above, we find provision for all of our needs, and our anxiety subsides (Matthew 6:25-34).

Not only must we seek the things above, we must “set [our] minds on the things that are above, not on things that are on earth” (Colossians 3:2). We must “set our minds,” or “fix our minds.” To fix our minds is to have the intense concentration of a world-champion chess player, to have the laser focus of a brain surgeon. For Christians, it means that instead of fixating on non-stop news, we instead fill our minds with the things of Christ, his rule and his reign, his glory and his grace.

Setting our minds on things above does not mean that we ignore the things of this earth. It simply means that we begin by seeking Christ in Scripture, in prayer, and in fellowship with other believers. As we set our compass on Christ, we remain on course to live as he has called us to live on this earth. During crisis, moms and medical people, delivery workers and truck drivers will focus their minds and energy on the earthly tasks that need to be accomplished to care for those they serve. But they will do so while praying, “Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven” (Matthew 6:10).

Finally, setting our minds on the things above will help us remember that the day of restoration is coming. When our lives are centered on Christ, we are always scanning the horizon, watching for his return, waiting for the day when we will live with him in the new heavens and the new earth. In that day, in that place, we will “appear with him in glory” (Colossians 3:4), living and loving forever in his perfect peace.

Prayer

Lord Christ,

Draw our eyes away from our screens and toward your glorious presence on the throne next to our heavenly Father. Help us to set our minds on you and seek to live out your love on this earth. In your glorious name. Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Colossians 3:1-3; Matthew 6:25-34.

Listen to “Turn Your Eyes upon Jesus” by Lauren Daigle.

For Reflection

Do you find yourself filling your mind with things of this earth during crisis? Make a list of three ways you could set your mind on things above and schedule times on your calendar to do them.

Learn More about True Freedom

Advance Review for From Recovery to Restoration

"Whether it be in the midst of physical pain, addiction, abandonment, abuse, or habitual sin, Elizabeth will redirect your gaze over and over through scripture to meditate not on the gaping hole of your loss, but on the relentless pursuit of Jesus's love."

Hope Blanton and Christine Gordon, Authors, At His Feet Studies

Revive My Soul: A Meditation for Peace

Revive My Soul: A Meditation for Peace

Dear Friends,

I am delighted to introduce my newest devotional for people in all sorts of “crisis,” “radically life-altering circumstances.” Today, I share an excerpt on how we  gain life through the Word in such troubling times. Maybe you need this book or you know someone who does. You’ll find it on sale at Amazon and all your favorite booksellers.

Revive My Soul

My soul clings to the dust; give me life according to your word! Psalm 119:25, ESV

In one moment, one hour, one day, perhaps, your life has been radically altered. So altered that you’re not sure you’ll survive. When your world has been tossed like a rag doll in a tornado, where do you turn?

The writer of Psalm 119 tells us: we must turn to the Word, which revives and restores our souls. In this vast 176-verse ode to the Word, the psalmist catalogues the circumstances of life which sent him there and proclaims the abounding blessings he discovered there. From him, we can learn how the Word rights us when our world is not right.

Even as the psalmist declares his love for Scripture, he also names the desperate need which drove him there. Maybe you can relate. Among the trials he mentions in Psalm 119, he has experienced exile on earth, “scorn and contempt”, soul-melting sorrow, and the dread of reproach (Psalm 119:19, 22, 28, 39). His soul “clings to the dust,” perhaps because of the “evil-minded people” who have lied about him (Psalm 119:25, 115, 78 NLT). He has been ensnared by the wicked and known the faithful affliction of the Lord (Psalm 119:110, 75). He has been oppressed, persecuted, and despised (Psalm 119:121, 161, 141). And he has gone astray like a lost sheep (Psalm 119:176).

The Lord responds to his desperate need, and the psalmist declares his fervent devotion to the Word. As he details the ways the Word has restored and revived him, we see how it will restore and revive us in seasons of recovery:

  • The Word counsels and clarifies, lighting our way when we walk in darkness (Psalm 119:105). It exposes “false ways of life” and leads us away from them (Psalm 119:104 NLT).
  • The Word stabilizes and secures, revealing God’s steadfast love and faithfulness in our trouble (Psalm 119:75-77). “Firmly fixed in the heavens,” the Word reminds us of the unchangeable nature of God in the midst of a changing world.
  • The Word saves and delivers, acting as our “refuge and shield” against “evil-minded people” (Psalm 119:114-115 NLT). The Word’s rules give life even as its commands bring freedom (Psalm 119:93, 45).
  • Finally, and most importantly, the Word restores and revives us. It fills us with hope when we are afflicted; it raises us to new life when we are groveling in the dust (Psalm 119:49, 25). The Word gives us life by turning our eyes away from “worthless things”; the Word gives us life by reminding us of God’s promises (Psalm 119:37, 50).

Dear friends, if your world has been turned upside down or split wide open, keep reaching for the Word. There you will find the peace and hope you need.

Prayer

Lord,

We confess—sometimes the last thing we reach for in crisis is your Word. Help us to read first and react later. Grow in us a love and longing for the Word that gives us the life we crave. In the name of Jesus, the Word-made-flesh, we ask. Amen.

Further Encouragement

Read Psalm 119 over a period of several days.

Listen to “Speak, O Lord” by Keith and Kristyn Getty.

For Reflection

As you read Psalm 119, underline or write down words that particularly resonate with you—for example, perish, revive, contempt, or delight. Then write a letter to God using some of those words to tell him how you are feeling and ask him to meet you in his Word.

If you enjoyed this blog, please share.

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Get Hope for Troubling Times

Advance Review for From Recovery to Restoration

"When the storms of life crash into our lives, the devastation left behind is often overwhelming. Recovery and healing is slow and arduous. Elizabeth Turnage's devotional is for all those laboring toward recovery. From Recovery to Restoration is a hope-filled, gospel-laced, and Christ-exalting book which invites us into God's story of redemption and helps us see how he is at work to redeem and restore all things, even the aftermath of our personal losses, heartaches, and trials."

Christina Fox

Writer, Counselor, Speaker

author of A Heart Set Free: A Journey to Hope Through the Psalms of Lament.

Freedom from Parenting Guilt: Six Gospel Keys

Freedom from Parenting Guilt: Six Gospel Keys

Freedom from Guilt about Parenting Programs

The toddler is screaming for those mini-Oreos in the cookie aisle. If you know exactly what to do, you may not be a parent. The fact is, parenting is confusing—the right thing to do is not always clear.

The Living Story focus for July is freedom, specifically the freedom we enjoy in Christ. Because too many parents spend their lives trapped in guilt, today we are focusing on freedom from parental guilt. If you know a parent who needs freedom and hope, please share this post with them.

From the time we are pregnant or adopting, we will be met with parenting advice and programs. Some parenting programs hold false promise to help us produce the designer child we think we want. Child-centered, parent-centered, Jesus-centered—which do we choose? (We DO know the Sunday school answer)!. And even if we know which program is right, how do we execute?

Some parenting programs hold false promise to help us produce the designer child we think we want. #gospelcenteredparentingCLICK TO TWEET

The Only Parenting Program That Frees us from Parental Guilt

The truth is, no program will “work,” whatever that means—not even the Jesus-centered one. Not because Jesus fails, but because we do. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying: the collective, common-grace wisdom of these programs can be very helpful, or why would I have hauled around that heavy tome, What to Expect When You’re Expecting throughout my pregnancy?

We, and our children, will fail to keep the law every time. We need Holy Spirit help.CLICK TO TWEET

We and our children will fail to keep the law every time. Thankfully, God’s gracious, compassionate, unchangeable, eternal plans never fail. And his Spirit empowers us to live for him. In God’s parenting program, there is freedom and hope for parents and children alike.

Six Gospel Keys to Freedom from Parental Guilt

1.   Learn the redemption story Scripture tells.

Isn’t that a fancy way of saying “Read your Bible”? Why, yes, yes it is. But it’s even better than that. The Holy Spirit actually transforms our hearts as we read. So, let’s listen to Romans 12:2:

“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

2.  Pray. Over and Over. Often. Believing that God hears (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

  • When you don’t know which school will help your son with his learning disorder, ask God to show you the way and remind you that he really does have a plan.
  • Ask God for your daughter’s shoulder to heal so she can play college volleyball. If it doesn’t, ask him to give you a bigger picture of the redemption story you are writing in her life.

3.  Repent.

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19).

  • Drive back to the school with a smiley-face cookie for the boy you left with a harsh word.
  • Call your twenty-year-old and tell her you’re sorry for trying to write her story your way.
  • Admit that parenting does not preclude sinning against your children, and turn back to your Savior for forgiveness.

4.  Forgive.

“As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Col. 3:13).

  • When the three-year-old tells you he hates you, forgive him.
  • When your previously compliant teenager starts rolling her eyes at everything you suggest, forgive her.

Forgive them, not with your arms folded and a begrudging frown, but as your Father forgives you, tenderly, compassionately, mercifully, with open arms. (Of course, forgiving does not mean excusing! Yes, there are consequences to sin, but we are called to forgive as our Father forgives).

5. Work as a team with your spouse, ex-spouse, and other caregivers.

  • When your husband uses the Shop-vac to clean up a toddler’s vomit while you are at the church retreat, praise his ingenuity!
  • When you bitterly disagree about how to address addiction to video games or addiction to drugs, look to Christ as your reconciler.

At times, it will take hefty doses of humility to live in unity with other caregivers; Christ has shown us the way.

6. Surround yourself with grace-filled community.

  • Make friends who will hit their knees when you call to say your daughter has binged again, or your son has been diagnosed with lymphoma.
  • Thank your children’s hard-working teachers for seeing that your child needs structure and leadership opportunities to keep her explosive energy moving in the right direction.

A Prayer for Guilty Parents

Lord, help us. We need to know the freedom we have in Christ, that we are forgiven for our sins against our children. Please take this burden of guilt we carry, and leave us with the joyful “yoke” of serving you as parents. In Jesus’ perfectly loving name we pray, Amen.

Freedom from Racial Brokenness: 5 Black Female Voices

Freedom from Racial Brokenness: 5 Black Female Voices

 

Is it even possible to be freed from racial brokenness? Is there hope for healing? Listen to five female black voices writing about the brokenness as well as the true hope for healing. With Vanessa K. Hawkins, Lisa Robinson Spencer, Jasmine Holmes, Trillia Newbell, and Jackie Hill Perry.

Beyond the Roles

Vanessa K. Hawkins

(MDiv, Covenant Theological Seminary) Director of Women’s Ministry at First Presbyterian Church in Augusta, Georgia. Women’s Ministry as Diversity Adviser, PCA.

 

Vanessa K. Hawkins, From her article “On Oneness, Lament, and Seeing with Compassion” at the EnCourage blog:

“Looking Isn’t Always Seeing

While it is necessary to look in order to see, looking doesn’t always equate to seeing. Movement from blindness to sight is a metaphor used repeatedly in Scripture to talk about our inability to fully see. “For now we see in a mirror dimly…” (1 Cor 13:12). While we don’t see perfectly, it doesn’t mean that we can’t see or shouldn’t try to see to the best of our ability. Spiritual sight is Spirit-dependent and is part of our growing in the likeness of Christ.

Most of us would openly and wisely admit that we have blind spots, and that’s great awareness to have. But to know we have blind spots and not seek to overcome them is reckless at best. Having blind spots is not a neutral state but dangerous to the one you can’t see. The inability to see is not a matter of if I injure someone, but when.

This is also true for colorblindness. I have heard well-meaning people claim colorblindness as a way of communicating their refusal to discriminate based on skin color. While not discriminating is a noble idea, colorblindness is a sight problem. To not see color is to not fully see those endowed with beautiful melanin by a Creator who calls what He made very good (Genesis 1:31).  To not see color is to deny the race-based, systemic ills that snuffed out the lives of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and way too many others to name. The Father isn’t colorblind. He celebrates and redeems our ethnic differences (Rev. 7:9).

Good vision affords us the ability to see and celebrate our ethnic differences, not just tolerate them and certainly not despise them. Colorblindness is not a virtue; it’s dysfunction. Scripture calls us from blindness to sight. Our cry should be that the Lord help us see and move us from blindness to sight.”

Jasmine Holmes

Teacher, Author

Mother to Son: Letters to a Black Boy on Identity and Hope

Mother to Son by Jasmine Holmes

From Mother to Son:

“I set out to write a series of letters to Wynn, not just about the racial climate of the country that he lives in, but about the conversation surrounding this racial climate. I want to remind him that his identity is firmly planted in the person and work of Christ Jesus and that because of that he has incredible significance to the King of the universe. I want to remind him of his dignity as an image bearer and to encourage him to respond out of that dignity, even to a topic as emotionally charged as racial reconciliation. Even when the topic concerns the brown skin that he lives in.

But more than that, I want these letters to be a testament of a mother’s love for her son and of a sister’s love for the body of Christ. Because when I speak about these topics, I want to hold my brothers and sisters in the Lord close to my heart, as I do my own son—my own flesh and blood. They are my blood-bought family in Christ, redeemed by the God who took on flesh to save them.”

Beyond the Roles

Lisa Robinson Spencer

(ThM DTS), Executive Director of Local Colors

From Lisa’s article

Some thoughts on the church and racial reconciliation efforts

So when we talk about racial reconciliation efforts–whether it be a panel discussion, workshop, books, blog posts, the goal should be to create a more harmonious Christian fellowship that is centered in the work and person of Jesus Christ. I can honestly say that I’ve seen this at work in healthy and productive ways. When racial reconciliation efforts starting rising in the evangelical scene, this is what it was intended to be. As someone who has been invited to speak and write on these issues, have attended events where racial reconciliation something to be tackled, and engaged in numerous conversations, I am staunchly committed to keeping this goal so that Christ’s body is strengthened. Jesus broke down the walls of hostility but in our embodied experiences, we need to bring this truth to life for hostility that has been created.

 

Trillia Newbell

Acquisitions Editor at Moody Publishers

Author: United: Captured by God’s Vision for Diversity

Cover: United by Trillia Newbell

From United: Captured by God’s Vision for Diversity

“Perhaps it seems that the country is moving toward unity, but it’s a façade—just check your local news. And though our society may want to move on, we can’t, and neither can or should the church. Maybe our churches remain segregated simply because it’s comfortable with “our own.” (You won’t get far in this book before you’ll see that I believe ‘our own’ needs a new definition.)

But maybe it’s because diversity and racial issues are scary. Talking about race and racial reconciliation can be downright terrifying. No one wants to offend, and in our politically correct society, who would blame you? If you say the wrong thing, ask the wrong question, or call someone by the wrong name, will they be angry? Are you black or African-American? Chinese or Asian? Hispanic, Latino, or Mexican? This is an explosive topic, and sometimes it seems that the wisest course of action is to avoid it at all costs.

There is a richness in knowing—really knowing—someone who is different from you. I bet you have (or have had) a relationship in your life that confirms the truth of this. God thought it important to let us know in His Word that every tribe and tongue and nation would be present on the last day, worshiping together. Shouldn’t we desire to reflect the last day before He returns?”

 

Cover:Gay Girl, Good God

Jackie Hill-Perry,

Poet, Hip-Hop Artist, Author

Gay Girl: Good God

From Jackie’s article on “Gospel Diversity for the Next Generation” at The Gospel Coalition

“Show them what it looks like to be a peculiar people that belong to God. We don’t really belong to this country. We don’t really belong to a political party. We don’t belong even to our economic status. Heck, we don’t belong to this world. We are a people for his own possession.

And that’s what God has done. The next generation would follow in our footsteps and then they would come to realize that as they did, they were actually following Jesus, and not a God made in America’s image. They would come to see that as you set your mind on things above where Christ, he is seated at the right hand of God, the place he went after he did what was just and right, the seat he sat down on after dying and raising on behalf of people, that he died [to purchase] for himself [a people] from every tribe, tongue and nation. They would see that because you set your mind up there where he is, that they can, too.

When we set our eyes on Christ instead of setting our eyes on our fathers’ idols and everything else that keeps us from gospel diversity, you can be sure that is when we begin equipping the next generation for gospel diversity.”

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A Good Read for Hard Times: The Waiting Room Devotional