by Elizabeth | Aug 5, 2014 | Learning Story
If you’ve been around here for long, I hope you’ve recognized my passion for gospel-cultivated women’s community. A sad reality of the fallen world is that women learn to attack each other from the time they are young girls. In the new book I am writing, I am looking for the hope of redemption in the midst of broken sisterhood stories. here’s one such story:
Sammie, regular attendee at the women’s group for about a year, invited me to lunch. I had been wanting to get to know her better, and I was looking forward to it. When the waitress arrived, Sammie didn’t order anything. That seemed a little odd, since she had invited me to lunch. It should have tipped me off to what was to come.
We exchanged small talk until my salad arrived, but as I took my first bite, she spoke in a serious tone, “I’ve been wanting to talk with you about the group.” Not waiting for me to respond, she launched into a litany of accusations. In summary, I was authoritarian in my leadership, I had steered the accusations away from her attempts to be “real,” and I was stealing women’s voices.
Wow. She blind-sided me. I knew enough not to engage her bitter stream of condemnation, but at the time, I was so roughed up that I couldn’t speak the gospel into it. I remember little about the next 20 minutes. I think I tried to do some of the things you’re supposed to do when someone offers critique, like nod and affirm and listen. I am sure at some point I caved into self-defense that she utterly demolished. Finally, the excruciating encounter ended with her departure. I quickly paid my check, rushed to the safety of my car, and burst into tears.
I drove down the road for a few minutes, still reeling from the blow, then realized (thanks to the Holy Spirit I’m sure) what I needed to do. I pulled over, grabbed my phone, and called a friend. A longtime sister in Christ, my friend listened to my pain and humiliation, then finally spoke soft words. She reminded me of the gospel I believed and taught regularly to others. Without slandering my accuser, she told me the story of how Christ died so I could love my enemies. She helped me see the slivers of truth embedded in the harsh words; she showed me where the words were wrapped in misperception and manipulation.
This story of sorrow and redemption reveals two powerful realities about women’s relationships: we can be one another’s cruelest saboteurs or one another’s most faithful supporters. Women desperately need healthy, thriving community, what I am calling here, “sisterhood.” Yes, we are sinners (Romans 3:23), but as Christians, we are also saints (Romans 1:7). In the gospel, there is not only hope for a sisterhood of sinner-saints, but a calling for it. Christ has redeemed us as a chosen people and a holy nation (1 Peter 2:9); in order to live fully into our new creation, we must love other women as our sisters. The gospel is the story of hope that such a community can exist.
Copyright for little sisters’ image: Martin Novak: www.123rf.com
by Elizabeth | May 14, 2014 | Learning Story
I’m a stay-at-home part-time working mom — have been for over 25 years. To tell you the truth, this calling has not looked at all the way I thought it would. For many years, I argued with God, “Lord, you picked the wrong woman for this! I was planning to be a full-time working mom who taught English to eighth graders. I have a gift for that!”
After giving birth to our first child who was anything but what I expected when I was expecting (can you say “colic” — we couldn’t back then, nor were we allowed Mylicon drops:-), I quickly realized how much more competent I was as a schoolteacher than a mom. I didn’t like the fact that mothering seemed to spotlight my pervasive sin and reveal my gross insufficiency.
God did not, however, seem to think he had chosen the wrong woman for the job; in fact, he used my own deep doubts to grow a passion for other moms who struggle in this most complex of callings.
Pregnant with my third child, running on a treadmill (where I conceive some of my wildest ideas), I decided I wanted to start a Moms Group. Before you think how wonderful I was, please note that this group was originally designed for me. I wanted some older, wiser women who had three or more children to share their godly counsel. (Or, really, just tell me how to cope with the overwhelming demands.) I asked my pastor’s wife for help — by “help” I meant “you do it” — wise woman that she was and is, she kindly assisted in starting it but encouraged me to continue. I still think she and God were in on this setup together:-)!
Ultimately, this group became a place of “rest and refreshment in the gospel.” We invited the women we met at the playground or preschool, dance recitals or dentist’s offices. And here I was, the mom who struggled with my sin and failures, a coach and encourager to other moms.
In her new book, Running on Empty: The Gospel for Women in Ministry, Barbara Bancroft writes about why God might use us in areas where we feel so ill-equipped:
“Although God regularly uses people who are educated, trained, and experienced to move his kingdom forward, those whose confidence is in their abilities and experience can easily forget their need for Christ in the everyday of ministry. If we rarely question our abilities, it is tempting to rely on them to accomplish our goals instead of relying on the Spirit to work through us.” Loc. 144
She goes on to say, “we will not be ready to do the work God has prepared for us to do until we know how to rely on nothing but the finished work of Christ.”
With children aged 19-25, I am now a veteran mom. I’ve been “educated and trained” — through potty-training, middle school bullying, trophies and tardy slips, deep grief over friends lost to betrayal or death, young adult hopes and dreams crushed and lived….At times I have relied more on my own wits and determination to figure out what to do; others I have spent hours on my knees pleading with God to work powerfully.
Though I forget it every day, I now know that mothering hope is truly in Christ’s finished work. He has died for all mothering sins; he has raised us to new life. He has declared us good, and that is more than enough. Because of his labor of love, we are free from condemnation. Freed to live and love.
A prayer for mothers:
Lord, we pray for mothers everywhere. Whatever we have done or not done today, in our lives, as moms, let us know that you cannot love us more and you cannot love us less. Help us truly understand that it is all up to you. Thank you for your provision — for forgiveness from our sins, for the Holy Spirit who whispers wisdom and hope, for your unrelenting commitment to make us more like Christ. Draw us to rest in your truth; draw us to hope in your grace. In the name of your Precious Son, Jesus, we pray. Amen
by Elizabeth | May 9, 2014 | Learning Story
It seems to hit seasonally. Usually around May or June, which would be difficult enough with kids’ stressing over exams and piano recitals and final push choir rehearsals for tour, not to mention the years one of ours is graduating from something, which, with four spaced two years apart, happens fairly frequently. But then you add what I call the ‘birthday’ season, when each of my children turns another year older – May 10, June 1, June 10, and August 10. And what happens is the ever-elusive-mother-of-the-year award, which I had really thought lay within my grasp, slips away.
You should understand that this is not a local, national, nor global award. It exists simply in my mind and is for me alone, to gain or to lose, based on my motherhood performance. There is a point system – I get so many points for helping a child through a major crisis without losing my temper or showing my fear. More points for not yelling when all four plus their friends have managed to empty all of the cabinets of the dishes and leave them on the counter, dirtied, mere inches from the dishwasher which strikes me as their appropriate destination. Even more when we make it through a major life event with something resembling family shalom, everyone present and accounted for and actually happy for the person whose moment it is to shine.
But then. In the midst of these busy months, something happens. Choir and bell rehearsals crash my fantasy family vacation by lasting from 6 – 11 p.m. every night. We arrive at the DMV missing one of the 99 forms you now have to produce to get your learner’s license. And, the one that always puts me over – one of my children brings me an item of clothing that needs to be hemmed for the performance – 15 minutes before departure time. And the points slide away faster than warm chocolate brownies placed on our island after dinner.
As you can see, it’s a tough way to live, and I imagine none of you knows what it feels like to set up a system of judging yourself that always leaves you holding the bag designated to be placed over your head so no one can see what a messed-up mom you are! Thankfully, I found a way to win. Well, I should say, a way to win was shown to me. It turns out there is a Judge who has already judged me, and He declares me delightful – yes, even as a mom. He molds me and shapes me, sure, and works even all that worry and wasted effort to His glory. When I screw it up – by setting up a point system for motherhood in the first place, He so kindly, so gently, draws me to Himself and says, “Elizabeth, come rest in me. Try out my way of doing things – it’s really easy.” Because not only is there now no condemnation in Christ Jesus, there is greater love and delight from the One who knows our harried hearts and has already declared us more-than-a-mother-of-the-year.
14Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!
15The Lord has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The Lord, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.
16On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.
17The Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.”
by Elizabeth | Apr 28, 2014 | Learning Story
On Friday, I shared an Easter story Facebook can’t capture. Don’t get me wrong — I’m not hating on Facebook. I like scrolling through photos and statuses to get a glimpse into friends’ lives. But we all know it severely cramps our freedom to tell the whole story. Maybe it depicts only the precious 10-year-old’s perfect gymnastics routine and none of the falls it took to get there. Or, alternatively, it describes a terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad day that rivals Alexander’s (does anyone still read that classic?🙂 without allowing that this could make a really good story one day. From time to time, we need to remember the whole story — splendid moments of “the way it’s supposed to be” interlaced with the fallen world realities of “not the way it’s supposed to be.” (To quote Cornelius Plantinga’s great title). So here’s your chance… Write, tell, share a whole story…tons of ways you could go with this one — have fun! 1. Choose a topic:
- Write an Easter story — one from your childhood or a recent one.
- Write a resurrection/new life story — one that tells about how you were “raised to new life” in a particular way.
2. Consider these Scriptures: John 20; Romans 6:1-14; Rev. 21-22 3. Journal or take some notes on these questions:
- Describe moments of shalom. Shalom refers to peace, wholeness, rest, joy, abundance.(For more on shalom, see here, or check out any of the Living Story Bible study books).
- Describe moments of broken shalom. What was “not the way it’s supposed to be”?
- Where do you see loss — of life, hope, love, keys (we can get into the nitty-gritty of life too:-)
- Where in the story do you see the hope of a risen Savior?
4. Put it all together and write it:
- Do you want to organize chronologically?
- Do you want to organize with comparison/contrast? Do you want to describe all the good things first then the bad, or intermingle the two?
5. Share it: with a friend or group (share the assignment and get them to do one too!) with Living Story: Comment below with the title or first two sentences of your story, or tweet about your story with the hashtag #livingstory or post on Facebook and tag Living Story.
by Elizabeth | Apr 9, 2014 | Learning Story
I had already taken mental notes — did people carry the little clear plastic shot glasses empty or full? Did they drink at the altar or in the pew?
My son had chosen the very back row for us, so we were the last to reach the front, and just as it seemed to be our turn, all of the servers retreated. Not disappeared, just moved to the right and back about five feet.
I was confused. Was it over? Did we come too late to the feast?
I mean, my heart was already happily full with the Word read and preached —
“John has a deep thought for you — if you are suffering deeply, you are in good company.” Yes, Jesus waited to visit Lazarus, so long that his beloved friend died. Yes, Jesus wept — over death’s destruction, over the similar but so different story he would soon live and die. And yes, there was a point — that God may be glorified. John 11:1-45.
As I stood there, taking it all in, I looked toward the server closest to me, the Pastor, and sorta shrugged, like, “Is it over?” A wry smile, a gentle nod of the head, as if to say,
“Come on over here, we’re still feeding sheep.” [And you are definitely a sheep! Was he thinking that too?]
I stood before him, somehow feeling safe looking him in the eye. He smiled again, a broad smile, and spoke an unexpected word: “Welcome.”
Ah, to be seen, and known, and welcomed. “He knows. He knows I’m a stranger here.”
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest…”
The welcoming Pastor spoke different words over the bread too, though I can’t remember them. No mere repetition of rote sayings, a message that seemed directly for me from God…
A gift. A gift of true communion, a choice morsel of breaking bread with a forever Friend who weeps over my broken body.
As I drove the four hours home, the memories swirled — a welcoming smile, a surprising word, a chunk of bread and a shot of grape juice — a shepherd spreading the Shepherd’s shalom.
Come.
Leave your confusion behind. No need to know why this keeps happening. He is working. He is with you. And He knows what he’s doing.
Come to me.
You’re in good company.
Welcome. Well-come.
![Have you considered what a powerful gift it is to be assured of salvation?
I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:28
Good Savior,
Thank you for this promise you’ve given to your sheep,
to those who know your voice
to those who believe in you (John 10:27).
Sadly, I’ve met too many ladies in our jail ministry
who’ve “walked the aisle” again and again and again,
because they feared that their salvation hadn’t “stuck.”
They loved you and wanted to follow you,
but a lifetime of backsliding into addiction
had caused them to doubt
whether you could really love them.
Even more sadly,
they had been told by pastors or ministry leaders
that they couldn’t truly belong to you
if they kept sinning.
Forgive us, Lord, for judging anyone’s heart.
You came not to condemn our sins but to forgive them.
By your Holy Spirit, you change us.
You assure us that those who follow you
and listen to your voice will have “eternal life”
and that they will “never perish.”
You promise, “no one will snatch them out of my hand”
because your Father has “given them to [you]” (John 10:29).
We pray for any who long to turn back to you
but fear you will no longer know them.
May they hear your voice speaking your assurance.
In your grace-gripping name. Amen.
Read John 10:22-30.
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