Our son Robert just shared this beautiful video with me, and I couldn’t wait to share it with you!
It reminds me of something Dan Allender once said, “Live with greater curiosity about people’s stories than they have themselves.”
It's hard to be angry and yet not sin with our children.
“ 15 Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. 16 But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.” (I Timothy 1:15-16)
This post is continued – sorry to have left the child-sinners hanging on Friday, but I wanted to save the most important point for last. (When my daughter saw the title of my post on Facebook, she wrote, ‘This should be interesting!:).
As parents, we are the “chief” sinners (for more on the concept of leaders as chief sinners, see Dan Allender’s Leading with a Limp). This is because we know more and have lived longer. It is our job to ask forgiveness first when we have done harm to one of our children. I have many stories to illustrate this point, but I’ll settle on one:
Many years ago, I lost my temper with one of my children – AGAIN. I knew I had blown it, and I sent him to his room for time-out before I did any further harm. I prayed (that sounds calmer than it was – more like, “God! HELP!” through clenched teeth). When I had cooled slightly, I visited his room to deliver my apology. “I am really sorry. I lost my temper.”
His words still rattle me as I think about how easy and devastating it would have been to walk through the easy exit he gave me: “Yeah, but mom, if I hadn’t done that, you wouldn’t have…” I stopped him with an answer the Holy Spirit must have put in me, because I wouldn’t have thought of it on my own: “Son, your sin is yours to deal with before God and me, but my sin is mine to deal with. I cannot blame my sin on you. I need to ask God’s forgiveness and yours.”
That’s the gospel. We parents sin. We sin more when we blame our children for our sin. We do need to ask forgiveness when we wrong them. How else will they learn the humility to ask forgiveness for themselves? I wish there were some easier way to teach this, but there’s not. And more importantly, as “ambassadors of reconciliation,” it is more than a parenting lesson, it is a calling. That good news will be our topic tomorrow.
One of my favorite parts about the Living Story Bible study series is the story feast; one of my biggest concerns about story feast is that people will skip it because they think it is somehow unimportant or not a ‘real’ study week since we don’t have a passage of Scripture to engage. It is true, story feasting is not work — it’s play. It’s God’s play. It’s a set-aside time — a ritual — to remember the goodness of what he’s done.
Story Feasts are what people have done for centuries — gathering together in community over good food to tell good stories. But they are different — because few of us take the time anymore to feast intentionally. Listen to what Dan Allender says, and try it yourself. For more on story feasting, check out Learning God’s Story of Grace.
Stories are food for friends to feast on together. We are called to write, and then rewrite. But we also are called to tell our stories to people who love us, people who will celebrate our lives. We need people who will ponder our stories and help us write with more integrity and depth, but we need more than feedback; we need celebration.
I need my friends to laugh and also to weep with me. I will never write the stories that reveal my name, let alone transform my name, unless I am in a community that loves, celebrates, and feasts in the midst of our shared stories.” Dan Allender, To Be Told
Check out this treasure on Sabbath
We are driven because our work brings us power and pride that dulls our deeper desire for delight.
We are far more practiced and comfortable with work than play. We are far better at handling difficulties than joy. When faced with a problem, we can jump into it or avoid it; we can use our skills or resources to manage it. But what do we do with joy? We can only receive it and allow it to shimmer, settle, and in due season, depart; leaving us alive and happy but desiring to hold on to what can’t be grasped or controlled.
Joy is lighter than sorrow and escapes our grasp with a fairylike, ephemeral adieu. Sorrow settles in like a 280-pound boar that has no intention of ever departing. One calls us to action and the other to grace. Which is easier: to work for your salvation with self-earned power of self-righteousness or to receive what is not deserved or owed, but freely given and fully humbling?”
Why not take two — or better yet, ten? Ten minutes of quiet — right now before you chicken out (or I — I always try to complete my own assignments:). Set your phone on silent; set your timer to go off. Close your eyes or keep them open. Remember, dream, enjoy — something — for surely if you are breathing, there is some single joy to contemplate. (I apologize for the preachy tone — it’s to myself:). P.S. This is going to totally throw my schedule off — just think — 10 minutes late for the rest of the day!
“Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” James 3:14-18
We’ve been looking for the last week at James’ warnings about the tongue in chapter 3. He concludes the chapter with a passage on wisdom and the final charge describes peacemakers.
Here’s the thing — peaceful words are sometimes “fighting words.” If a woman tells me her husband is abusing her, whether with words or with fists, wisdom dictates I speak. If my daughter were to act like a fool and refuse to study for her AP Environmental test because it involves reading about “oozing sludge” — well, frankly, I wouldn’t blame her, but you get the picture — if our children persist in doing life their own way, some strong words would be wise.
The best resource I know on what it means to pursue love boldly is Dan Allender and Tremper Longman’s book Bold Love. They make it clear that love isn’t necessarily nice. Read these excerpts of his passage on “Good Words”:
“To bless is to give words of life that nourish the soul and deepen its desire for truth. Words offer grace to our enemy and ask God the Father for grace that benefits our enemy.”
Dan reminds us that the fact that it is difficult to think of the right words in the moment is not an excuse for not seeking them:
“Before entering a war, we need to enter the heavenly realm, asking for help. We are to pray to the Father to act on behalf of our enemies; we are to pray for God to work in our enemies’ lives, to restrain evil, to deepen consciousness of harm, to destroy their arrogance so that life and grace may flourish. We are equally to pray for wisdom and all that blocks the development of wisdom in our life.” Dan Allender, Bold Love
A Fascinating Exercise: Read through Proverbs and write down every reference to how to use our tongue. (You will notice they don’t all agree:). Then pray about what wisdom looks like in a difficult situation.
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