A Gift that Encourages Your Mom and You
It’s been five years now since my mother died. In the first few years, I felt a tinge of regret—that I hadn’t done a better job celebrating her while she was here. Life was full, and I was busy raising my own children, celebrating my own Mother’s Day. And truthfully, it was often difficult to come up with a gift she would truly enjoy. In her later years, she insisted that she didn’t need any more “stuff.” Going out to eat had lost its appeal because she couldn’t hear well in restaurants, and flowers seemed too trite somehow. So, I usually settled on a scarf or a pair of earrings and tucked them into a gift bag with a handmade card.
After she died, I found myself sorting through her things, and to my surprise, I discovered she had saved many of those cards—Mother’s Day notes and others. I don’t know why it surprised me. I save the cards my children give me. There’s something sacred about a child—especially an adult child—taking the time to write something down. That discovery comforted me in my grief. It reminded me that I had, in my own way, tried to honor and celebrate her.
Remembering my struggle led me to this idea, which I have shared for the past several years. I decided to create a simple guide for writing a legacy letter to your mom (or a mom you love) for Mother’s Day. Yes, buying a card and signing your name is quicker. But a thank-you letter—a true legacy letter—asks more of us. It invites us to pause and reflect on how our mother’s life has shaped our own. It asks us to find words for thoughts and emotions that may be hard to articulate.
For some of us, this letter may take a different form. Maybe you lost your mother early in life, or maybe your relationship with her was strained. Perhaps there is another woman who has “mothered” you well—a mentor, a friend, someone who’s offered nurturing presence and grace. I pray you have someone like that. I’ve found that even writing a letter in remembrance of my mom has helped me grieve with gratitude.
Wherever you find yourself this Mother’s Day, I invite you to try this exercise, and I hope you find it meaningful.
To get you started, I’ve provided a few prompts and tips for writing. (If you are a paying subscriber, scroll down to get a printable handout that guides you through the process and provides a page for writing your letter.)
Prompts
Tell her something you love about her…
- Her cooking, her sense of humor, her wits.
- The way she provided for you and your family.
Tell her a way she’s helped you…
- Always being there when you called or texted.
- Bringing your lunch to school when you forgot it.
- Taking care of your kids so you could have a break.
Tell her about a characteristic or practice you admire…
- Her kindness, faithfulness, boldness.
- Her discipline in reading the Bible, her commitment to exercise, her love of prayer.
Tell her about her lasting impact…
- On you, your family, her work, her friends, the world.
Tips for Crafting Your Letter
1. Pray about it.
Ask the Holy Spirit to bring memories to mind and help you find the right words.
2. Brainstorm freely.
Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write down everything that comes to mind without editing yourself. Talk to family members if you get stuck. Try to come up with as many specifics as possible.
3. Write a rough draft.
Set a timer for 15 minutes and just start writing. You can always change things later. Don’t worry about having the right grammar or the perfect words.
4. Be specific.
Show, don’t just tell. Instead of “You’re kind,” say, “You showed kindness when you brought my forgotten homework to school.”
5. Focus on gratitude, not perfection.
Don’t worry about grammar and spelling—it is highly unlikely your mother will get out a red pen and mark your mistakes!
Remember, your words are a gift — a legacy that will forever.
If you write your letter (or if you’ve done this in the past or received such a letter, I’d love to hear about it! Comment below or send me message.)
Blessings as you number your days with love and gratitude,
Elizabeth
Hi! I’m Elizabeth, and I love learning about older adulthood! I’m a writer, speaker, and coach who helps people navigate the issues of aging, caregiving, legacy, grief, and end-of-life. I wrote Preparing for Glory: Biblical Answers to 40 Questions about Living & Dying in Hope of Heaven and several devotionals. Every month, I send out an email with free and paid resources for aging graciously. If you’d like to get this email on the first of the month, sign up here: http://eepurl.com/b__teX.
