by Elizabeth | Aug 26, 2014 | Learning Story
Sunday night, a tennis coaching legend, a man who profoundly influenced my husband’s life, died. Dan Magill, husband, father, athletic director, humorist, historian, and Hall of Famer coach at the University of Georgia, was 93 years old.
My husband lettered at Georgia in 1980-1983, and was a part of the SEC championship team twice. Several years ago, we returned to Athens Georgia, for a “Gala Reunion” celebrating the 90th birthday of “storied” tennis coach, Dan Magill. Over 800 people gathered to hear stories and honor him.
As a gospel coach, someone who walks alongside women seeking to live the gospel more freely and fully in all areas — marriage, parenting, work, relationships, I listened to Magill stories with a new perspective. As we remember him today, I’ll share a few things I learned about the great coach that I apply to my work with people.
1. “Don’t cheat Jawja.” I heard players repeat this line in the inimitable Magill accent all weekend. It means, “Play your best for Georgia, whom you represent.”
My goal is to help clients live their God-given stories in the name of and for the glory of the one who created them.
2. He directed them toward opportunities for growth. My husband grew up in Athens, and not only did Magill encourage him in his early tennis efforts, but in later years, he invited him to hit with top players to help him develop his game. Coach Magill also knew how to motivate his players as they tried to figure out the best strategy for winning a match.
My coaching clients may be trying to grow a business or strengthen a marriage, discern direction or calling, or move through a challenging transition. In all of these stories, we work together to explore possibilities, draw out creativity, and implement plans.
3. He provided a strong presence. “I called Coach Magill.” John Isner, who played for Coach Manuel Diaz on the 2007 National Championship UGA team, spoke at the gala. Isner, now number 15 in the world, was referring to his record-setting 11 hour and 5 minute match win at Wimbledon. He told us, “After that match, Coach Magill was one of the first people I called.” Coach Magill was there for players (even those he didn’t actually coach officially), win or lose. He sat with them on the locker room bench and said after a tough day, “Well, some days are [salty language] days.”
I want to be the kind of coach who sits with, walks with, runs alongside of clients, reminding them of who they are and what they’re about, encouraging them after a loss, celebrating after a win, reminding them in all, it is a process of growth, and God wastes no moment.
My husband, Kip, with Coach Magill in 2006, on the courts where they spent many years.
4. Dan Magill coached the individual, not just the game of tennis. He drew out the strengths in each player and called them to play their game.
My goal is to help people reflect deeply on their God-authored story, their unique gifts, passions, strengths, struggles, and redemption (vision) and consider what that means for how they live their lives (mission).
5. Coach Magill called his players to account. He was no softy coach (his players would say that is a huge understatement!). Players were expected to practice hard and play hard, to bring their best in play, sportsmanship, and respect for the game. If they didn’t do what they were asked, they didn’t play.
As a gospel coach, I won’t be a nagging parent, a scolding teacher, or a screaming football coach. I will, however, create a space for clients to be accountable. We are designed to grow in the context of community. That’s why working with someone who is ‘for you’ in every way draws you to make significant changes.
The best words to end this piece are most eloquently voiced by my husband: “So much would be different without his generous influence in my life during my formative years. I have been permanently impacted by Dan. I continue, using the competitive skills taught by my coach, fighting daily for my patients….never quitting, almost always finding answers to challenges. True of life in general. My life has been indelibly marked by my years with Dan. Blessings to you and your extended family. My blessings continue the rest of my life, having known Dan.” You can read more memories here.
I pray that, by God’s grace, I may walk alongside my clients with the commitment, passion, humor and generosity with which Dan Magill lived. If he were here, he’d probably say, “Glory, glory to old Jawja.” And I would add, “Glory be to God.”
by Elizabeth | Aug 22, 2014 | Learning Story
I am thankful for friends who nominated me to take the ice bucket challenge. I think it means they think of me as a combo charitable/adventurous person. I like to think of myself that way too:-)!
The truth is, I used to be very adventurous and extremely competitive. I would have likely accepted any challenge that wouldn’t do extreme bodily harm for the simple purpose of “winning” and proving myself “strong” and “worthy.”
I don’t know if it’s because I feel old or because I’ve had a lot of injuries leading to surgeries in recent years, but I no longer have any desire to do things like dump ice on my body – whether to prove myself or to raise money for a worthy cause. I’m not as adventurous as I used to be.
I confess — when a friend asked me if I had done it yet, I spoke too quickly, too bluntly.
“No, I haven’t done it, and I’m not going to.” Boom!
“’Oh,’ she said, taken aback, and I instantly regretted my intensity. ‘Someone challenged me and I thought you would be a good person to challenge.’”
I tried to back up, “I’m sorry – let me clarify – when I think of hard ice hitting my head and shoulders, all I think of is pain. I am happy to donate, but I’m not going to do the ice-dumping. So, of course, you may challenge me.”
(By the way, after watching lots of these videos, I realized that most people are using water that has been iced down, not the buckets of ice I envisioned, but – further confession — I still don’t really want to do it.)
After my friend and I hung up, I wondered about my response — am I really happy to donate? Honestly, not completely. I don’t think it’s because I don’t like giving. I think it’s because I’m proud and independent. The truth is I like to make my own decisions about how to give and to whom. (It turns out the original challenge was a choice – either dump the ice – or give to a worthy cause).
Then I asked myself – well, is ALS a worthy cause? It is a terrible disease that involves dying motor neurons and loss of voluntary muscle movement. My friend mentioned in her video that she was doing it for a relative who died of ALS. Her story reminded me of something I had completely forgotten (stories have a way of doing that!) — my husband’s grandmother, our beloved “Mimi,” also suffered with the disease in her latter years and ultimately succumbed to it. Would I love to see researchers find a cure? Absolutely!
All of that thinking (yes, some would say OVERTHINKING!) has led me to some conclusions:
I want to be a “cheerful giver” (1 Cor. 9:7). I want to be the kind of woman who makes sacrifices for others, both physical and financial. I am really really grateful to have the kinds of friends who not only endured the ice onslaught but also gave cheerfully. And I am also grateful that they invited me.
And yes, I have made a decision about my response to the ice-bucket challenge! I hope you’re not disappointed that I can’t tell you what it is – that is part of the decision. Instead, I’ll leave you with a challenge —
Share your stories and thoughts on ice-bucket challenges, ALS, giving, etc.
by Elizabeth | Aug 13, 2014 | Learning Story
This morning, trying to choke down some watery oatmeal in the Courtyard Bistro, enough to sustain me through the 12th sweaty move of a “child” into or out of a college dwelling (more on that another day), two televisions and a giant digital screen flash the dark stories of these hard days. When I was growing up, Robin Williams was a delightfully happy guy playing the beloved alien “Mork” on TV every week. One year my best friend and I went to a halloween party as Shazam and Isis.
Harsh depression, deep terror, and cruel death now mix with these innocent memories. In these chaotic and sorrowful days, I need — I daresay we all need to be reminded of the good news — there is a powerful, all-sustaining God ruling over evil and pain. Yesterday, I read Charles Spurgeon’s Morning Meditation, which was on just that subject — today I offer portions of it with visuals. I hope these words and pictures (taken with an Iphone 5s at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens) will flash in your mind even when one more piece of sad news scrolls across the screen. (The full-text of the hymn he quotes can be found here).
by Elizabeth | Aug 13, 2014 | Learning Story
This morning, trying to choke down some watery oatmeal in the Courtyard Bistro, enough to sustain me through the 12th sweaty move of a “child” into or out of a college dwelling (more on that another day), two televisions and a giant digital screen flash the dark stories of these hard days. When I was growing up, Robin Williams was a delightfully happy guy playing the beloved alien “Mork” on TV every week. One year my best friend and I went to a halloween party as Shazam and Isis.
Harsh depression, deep terror, and cruel death now mix with these innocent memories. In these chaotic and sorrowful days, I need — I daresay we all need to be reminded of the good news — there is a powerful, all-sustaining God ruling over evil and pain. Yesterday, I read Charles Spurgeon’s Morning Meditation, which was on just that subject — today I offer portions of it with visuals. I hope these words and pictures (taken with an Iphone 5s at the Atlanta Botanical Gardens) will flash in your mind even when one more piece of sad news scrolls across the screen. (The full-text of the hymn he quotes can be found here).
by Elizabeth | Aug 8, 2014 | Learning Story
Kelly Valen, in her compelling 2010 study of female relationships,Twisted Sisterhood discovered through poll that 97 percent of women “believe it is crucial that we improve the female culture in this country.”
In the last post, I told a story of being attacked by a fellow Christian and how a sister-friend loved me well in the aftermath. Why do women treat other women so harshly, and what can be done to improve female culture? When we think about what happened to women in the fall, broken sisterhood might make more sense. Since Adam and Eve sinned, all women have these things in common:
- know we are naked.
- feel shame.
- want to hide.
- make pitiful attempts to cover ourselves.
- blame others for our sin and sorrow, including God.
- feel pain in childbirth — I’ve always wondered — does this include the pain of monthly cycles?
- desire to dominate men.
- or, as some people interpret it, desire men so much we’ll do anything to get and keep them.
- demand control over our worlds.
How do these sins play out in women’s relationships with other women?
Mean Girls, a 2004 comedy, satirized the cliques and bullying that are commonplace occurrences in high schools. Any woman who has suffered being shunned on a playground as a child or being cyberbullied as a teen knows that the dark terror and shame of female bullying holds no humor.
The culture of female aggression does not end when we grow up, though — new studies find women sabotaging other women in every arena of life:
- In the workplace, women will deliberately make a co-worker look incompetent.
- In the area of motherhood, the phrase “Mommy wars” has been coined to describe the friction between moms who stay-at-home full-time and those who work full-time.
- In the competition for scarce resources of “good” available men, women demean and manipulate other women.
Sadly, the fallen reality of women’s relationships is not limited to the broader culture but plays out regularly among Christians as well. The Bible recounts the earliest true and tragic stories of female aggression:
- Sarah, the mother of all nations, abuses her slave Hagar — and Hagar is no saint either.
- The terrible story of Rachel and Leah is the first account of “sister-wives” and leaves no illusions about dark conflict between women vying for a man who isn’t the catch he might have seemed to be.
- Martha complains to no less than the Savior himself about her sister’s laziness.
- The apostle Paul calls out two devoted ministers of the gospel, Euodia and Synteche, regarding their ministry quarrels.
If competition, condemnation, and irritation exist in women’s relationships in the Bible, it should come as no surprise that these and other sins continue to affect Christian women’s community:
- Some women labor to look good physically and spiritually at Bible study; others hate the pretense and refuse to attend.
- Moms beat one another up over things like how babies and children should be fed, how they should be educated, and how they behave.
- Gossip is veiled as prayer requests or “concern,” and some women create laws where the Bible offers gospel-freedom.
- Worst of all, cliquishness still exists, and some women feel more isolated or rejected at church than they ever did in a high school cafeteria.
Thankfully, as my earlier story suggests, the dark side is not the whole story about women’s relationships, either in or outside the church. Now that we know why our community is so broken, we can see how the gospel brings hope for true sisterhood. Stay tuned for posts that look at the redemption of relationships. If you want to make sure you receive blog posts, sign up now — you’ll only get one email a week with any recent posts.
What do you think? Have you had experiences with broken sisterhood that have made you shy away from women’s community?
What redemptive stories do you have of women’s relationships? Please comment.
by Elizabeth | Aug 5, 2014 | Learning Story
If you’ve been around here for long, I hope you’ve recognized my passion for gospel-cultivated women’s community. A sad reality of the fallen world is that women learn to attack each other from the time they are young girls. In the new book I am writing, I am looking for the hope of redemption in the midst of broken sisterhood stories. here’s one such story:
Sammie, regular attendee at the women’s group for about a year, invited me to lunch. I had been wanting to get to know her better, and I was looking forward to it. When the waitress arrived, Sammie didn’t order anything. That seemed a little odd, since she had invited me to lunch. It should have tipped me off to what was to come.
We exchanged small talk until my salad arrived, but as I took my first bite, she spoke in a serious tone, “I’ve been wanting to talk with you about the group.” Not waiting for me to respond, she launched into a litany of accusations. In summary, I was authoritarian in my leadership, I had steered the accusations away from her attempts to be “real,” and I was stealing women’s voices.
Wow. She blind-sided me. I knew enough not to engage her bitter stream of condemnation, but at the time, I was so roughed up that I couldn’t speak the gospel into it. I remember little about the next 20 minutes. I think I tried to do some of the things you’re supposed to do when someone offers critique, like nod and affirm and listen. I am sure at some point I caved into self-defense that she utterly demolished. Finally, the excruciating encounter ended with her departure. I quickly paid my check, rushed to the safety of my car, and burst into tears.
I drove down the road for a few minutes, still reeling from the blow, then realized (thanks to the Holy Spirit I’m sure) what I needed to do. I pulled over, grabbed my phone, and called a friend. A longtime sister in Christ, my friend listened to my pain and humiliation, then finally spoke soft words. She reminded me of the gospel I believed and taught regularly to others. Without slandering my accuser, she told me the story of how Christ died so I could love my enemies. She helped me see the slivers of truth embedded in the harsh words; she showed me where the words were wrapped in misperception and manipulation.
This story of sorrow and redemption reveals two powerful realities about women’s relationships: we can be one another’s cruelest saboteurs or one another’s most faithful supporters. Women desperately need healthy, thriving community, what I am calling here, “sisterhood.” Yes, we are sinners (Romans 3:23), but as Christians, we are also saints (Romans 1:7). In the gospel, there is not only hope for a sisterhood of sinner-saints, but a calling for it. Christ has redeemed us as a chosen people and a holy nation (1 Peter 2:9); in order to live fully into our new creation, we must love other women as our sisters. The gospel is the story of hope that such a community can exist.
Copyright for little sisters’ image: Martin Novak: www.123rf.com
