Stories change but Moms struggle in every season

Last week, I wrote about how God may have different plans for parents than we have. This week I want to discuss some of the struggles moms face. Let’s start with a little story.

The young mother fretted. She had to leave town for the day — what if one of her children got sick and needed to come home? What if she did not get back in time? What if…

The seasoned teacher, a mom of three grown children, reassured her that her children would be well-cared for no matter what happened.

The young mom said, “I know I’m being silly. I guess you don’t worry anymore now that your kids are grown.” 

“Oh yes, I still worry,” the teacher responded. “I’ve just learned to pray more.” 

This story made me think. Our children grow older and circumstances change, but many of the emotional challenges of motherhood remain the same. 

Top 5 Mom Struggles

Having raised 4 children to the ages of 27 to 21 and added two by marriage, and having known countless moms along the way, I’ll suggest the following as the top 5 mom struggles.

1. Fear or uncertainty about letting kids go/sending them into the unknown.

• Whether you are taking your baby to the church nursery for the first time or moving an 18-year-old into the dorm at college, you will likely experience varying degrees of trepidation.
• Whether you’re helping your daughter select her first prom dress or searching for her wedding dress, you may be feeling a little uncertain about her moving into this next phase of life.

2. Powerlessness to make your child do what you think you want them to do.

Sometimes we want our kids to do things that are good for them; others we want them to do things that fill our needs. The struggle begins when they absolutely refuse to “sleep through the night,” whatever that is and continues on into their…

• refusal to eat kale (but who can blame them, really?).
• complete apathy about doing math homework.
• desire to play football when you want them to run track.
• choice to move to Boston when you want them to live next door.

3. Guilt over failing them in some way.

A mom’s opportunities and inclination to experience guilt begin before birth and continue well into adulthood. You can feel guilty about…

• not playing classical music for them when they’re in the womb.
• being the only mom in the entire history of the pre-school to send black-and-orange Oreos for snack day in October.
• screwing up your child’s life by sending those Oreos to said pre-school.
• leaving them when you should have stayed.
• losing your temper with them.
• being overprotective or overbearing because of feeling fear, uncertainty, or powerlessness (see 1 and 2).

4. Feeling unwanted or unneeded.

It feels great when your toddler ties his shoes for the first time (or is that velcro’s?), but later their lack of need or desire for us can hurt. One day…

• your first grader may ask you not to drive on the field trip.
• your freshman may tell you to quit watching soccer practice when you come to pick her up.
• your teenager may tell you you are ruining his life and post a large KEEP OUT sign on his door.
• your adult children may not call for weeks because they’re just so busy with work and the kids. (Or, because they’ve never forgiven you for the Oreo incident:-).

5. Feeling sorrow and helplessness over the suffering they experience.

This can take all forms, from mild sadness to deep agony..

• babies receiving their first shots; ten-year-olds battling leukemia
• children suffering rejection from classmates on the playground; young adults staying alone in their apartment because everyone else just wants to do the bar scene on Friday night.
• daughters being stood up by their prom dates; sons being cheated on by their wives.

There is hope for mom struggles….

But wait!! As the story about the teacher and the mom suggests, there is hope! Though the emotional struggles may not disappear, we will grow more into the likeness of Christ day by day (Eph 4:15). 

Rest comes for our minds and hearts when we…

• “pray more” as the wise teacher said and remember that God, the compassionate Parent, cares for our children and for us.
• remember and rehearse the biblical stories of redemption — God rescuing his people out of slavery, Jesus healing the sick, raising the dead, and liberating the captives — including us. When we seek God’s rescue stories in our lives and in our children’s, our faith grows. 
• recognize that these struggles expose our tendency to make our sense of life and happiness dependent on our children. God is always weaning us from making our children the god we worship.
• envision often the day when all will be well. Jesus will return; God will be with his people — children and parents. All sorrow and guilt and loneliness and worry will subside in the glorious fullness of God’s redemption.

Wherever you are on your journey of motherhood, be encouraged — the Author God really is writing a good story today!

What emotional struggles would you add to this list? How have you seen any of these struggles at different seasons of motherhood?

Do you know a mom who needs to hear this encouragement? Don’t forget to share!