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The Mother’s Day Gift She’s Sure to Love

The Mother’s Day Gift She’s Sure to Love

Her children rise up and call her blessed. Proverbs 31:28

I’ll be honest. I’m not really looking forward to this Mother’s Day. It will be the first since my mom died. I didn’t always do a good job of celebrating her. Life got busy, and of course I had my own Mother’s Day to celebrate with my kids. It was also hard to come up with a gift. Especially in the latter years of her life, she insisted that she didn’t want any more “stuff,” so it was hard  to find something she would want. She also didn’t enjoy going out to eat as much as she once had, so I couldn’t take her to lunch. The last few years I usually just settled on a scarf or some earrings and a handmade card. When I was going through her “stuff” after she died, I was surprised to see how many of my Mother’s Day and other cards she had saved. I don’t know why I was surprised. I usually save all the cards my kids send me. There is something about a kid (even, or especially, an adult kid) taking the time to write things down.

All of this leads me to this guide to writing a thank-you letter to your mom. I know, buying a card and signing it is easier. Sending a handprint of your preschooler is easier. Writing a thank-you letter is hard, because we have to stop and think about our mother’s life and how it has shaped us. We have to try to put words to thoughts that are hard to articulate.

It’s even harder if you lost your mother early in life or if your mother wasn’t much of a mother to you. Maybe you would like to consider writing a thank-you letter to someone who has mothered you well. I pray there’s someone in your life like that. It may even be a friend around your same age. Some of you, like me, may have lost your mother recently. I plan to do this exercise in remembrance. I believe it will help me as I grieve. Maybe it would help you too.

Life is short, and words are meaningful. Let’s take the time to write them down and give them to our moms.

To get you started, I’ve provided a few prompts and tips for writing.

Prompts:

Tell her something you love about her…

Her cooking, her sense of humor, her wits, the way she provided for you and your family

Tell her a way she’s really helped you…

Always being there when you call or text

Bringing your lunch to school when you forgot it

Taking care of your kids so you could get some time away

Tell her about a characteristic or practice she has that you’d like to develop…

Her kindness, faithfulness, boldness

Her discipline in reading the Bible, her commitment to exercise, her love of prayer

Tell her about lasting impact she’s made…

on the world, on you, on your family, on your friends, on her work.

Think about things she’s really good at…

things she says a lot (even if you got tired of hearing it),

things she loves…

Tips for Writing Your Letter

  1. Pray about it. Ask God to help your memory and your imagination. Ask the Holy Spirit to give you the right words.
  2. Brainstorm…Set a timer for 15 minutes and get all your ideas down on paper or into the voice recorder on your phone. Talk to your siblings or your dad if you get stuck. Try to come up with as many specific examples of things your mom has done for you as you can.
  3. Write a rough draft. Set a timer for 15 minutes and just start writing. You can always change things later.
  4. Don’t worry about having the right grammar or the best words.
  5. Do try to be specific…remember to try to “show” rather than “tell”:

If you do this exercise, I’d love to hear about it. Comment below or shoot me an email here.

Why Telling Your Story Matters: Thoughts from Daniel Taylor

Why Telling Your Story Matters: Thoughts from Daniel Taylor

If you’ve been watching my YouTube Live Series on Story Feasting, you’ll know I think your story matters. Today, I’m sharing some thoughts from one of my favorite authors on story: Dr. Daniel Taylor. Read on to learn why you should share your stories, how you were born to tell stories, and how to get over the fear of writing down stories.

Daniel Taylor on Storytelling

In his book, Creating a Spiritual Legacy, Daniel Taylor, a wise man and scholar of story,  cheers on ‘every woman/man’ to “just do it,” get out there and tell a story. Not only does he encourage us; he actually shows us how to write our stories with some specific, short exercises. He includes stories from a broad spectrum of folks, old and young, to show us that leaving legacies is for everyone. Here’s a brief quote addressing the question, “why story?”.

Why storytelling matters

“Stories are, among other things, organisms for storing and preserving a life. But they do not do so in a static, mothballed way. Stories do not preserve our lives in the same way that mummification preserves a body or quite in the way that a battery preserves a charge. Rather, stories preserve a life in the way a plant preserves the sun. They absorb and embody the energy and dynamism of a life as a tree ties up the energy of the sun in its limbs, ready to be released again should someone strike a match.” Daniel Taylor, Creating a Spiritual Legacy

How you were born to tell stories:

“Everyone, I have claimed, has the ability to tell a story, and particularly a story from their own life. You do not have to be taught how to tell a story, or need “five secrets to good storytelling ” articles, or advice from people like me. Telling stories is as natural as breathing, and you have been doing it since before you could talk (pointing and crying and making faces being among our first storytelling strategies).” Daniel Taylor, Creating a Spiritual Legacy

Why you should write your stories down

To persuade us to write these stories down so that they may remain as a legacy, Taylor offers much-needed reality checks:

“We have this deep-seated misconception that anyone can talk but only writers can write – as though putting our story on paper puts us in competition with Tolstoi. Let it go. You’re not competing with Tolstoi. You’re competing with oblivion, which is what you’ll have if you don’t pass on your stories. Any story, whether beautifully or primitively written, is a strike against being forgotten.” Daniel Taylor, Creating a Spiritual Legacy

Check out this book and Daniel Taylor’s other excellent book on sharing story, Tell Me a Story. In both, you will find motivation as well as helpful instructions for writing down your stories. Making lists of stories and characters, organizing around scenes, and telling the truth are just a few of the many excellent suggestions he offers. Write a story. Leave a legacy.

And if you’ve always wanted to share your story, especially to write it down, but don’t know where to start, consider working with me as your coach. Sometimes it takes another person to spur you through the hard parts of getting that story down. 

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Summer Reading: 5 Books for You

Summer Reading: 5 Books for You

Summer Reading

I’m that former English teacher who always loved summer reading, even as a kid. As a student, I loved poring over that glossy brochure of books our school handed us (even when I didn’t like ALL of the assigned books). When my kids came along and their schools required very little or no summer reading, I imposed reading on them but tried to give lots of good choices.

5 Favorite Summer Reading Choices

Mean Soup by Betsy Everitt

I am a firm believer that all adults should read children’s books regularly. Mean Soup was a school book fair find which I bought more for myself than my kids. I love the story of Horace’s bad day, the brightly-colored, louder-than-life illustrations, and the fact that his mother knew just what to do.

2. The Light Princess & Other Tales by George MacDonald

Christians always seem to include George MacDonald on their fiction reading lists — he did influence C.S. Lewis after all! I include the fairy tales because they’re funny and punny. The Light Princess plays on double meanings of words like “light” and “gravity,” and her romance and rescue will have you laughing and cheering. In 2004, we found Light Princess, and my daughter and I read it from the computer (A novelty then!). (Turns out PagebyPagebooks.com still exists!).

3. The Water Is Wide: A Memoir by Pat Conroy

I first read this one for summer reading as a first-year English teacher in Augusta, Ga. The story took place on a small South Carolina island not far from us, and it featured a new, funny, compassionate teacher, so naturally I enjoyed it. The eighth graders and I fell in love with “Conrack,” the young hero who bucked the system to teach kids no else thought worth the trouble. And, special bonus, there was a movie to watch when we finished discussing the book!

4. Till We Have Faces: A Myth Retold by C. S. Lewis

Speaking of C.S. Lewis, I’ve read his tragic but redemptive tale of love, victimization, arrogance, and shame at least five times. Little blue post-it notes stick out of my copy, marking lines like, “”They used my own pen to probe my wound,” and “Then I did a thing which I think few have done. I spoke to the gods myself, alone, in such words as came to me, not in a temple, and without a sacrifice.” It’s intense, sad, strong, and beautiful.

5. East of Eden by John Steinbeck

True confession. I’m not, or at least, I wasn’t, really a John Steinbeck fan. I had been required to read The Grapes of Wrath and to teach The Pearl and Of Mice and Men. When I thought of Steinbeck, images of dust and long slow sorrow came to mind. But my oldest daughter finished this book this spring and urged me to read it. She promised me it wasn’t so sad, that it actually told a redemptive story, so I scheduled it for my convalescence from hip surgery a few years ago. With roots in the characters and concepts of the Book of Genesis, the vast story explores good and evil, love and envy, labor and fruitfulness. Whether you agree with the theological/philosophical conclusions or not, it is a really great story that will make you think hard. I miss it already, and I look forward to having a full conversation with my daughter about it.

A Very Facebook Kinda Birthday

A Very Facebook Kinda Birthday

Birthdays and Facebook

True confession time. I have mixed feelings about wishing people happy birthday on Facebook. I mean, sometimes I have never met the “friend,” and I can’t think of anything to say beyond the traditional Happy Birthday greeting, with an occasional variation to Feliz Cumpleanos (but then I can’t get the computer to do that little mark over the n, which I think is called an “en-yay” but then autocorrect turns that into “Enya” which is not at all what I’m after ;-)!!!!

Anyway. It’s not that I don’t think about wishing you a happy birthday on Facebook. Some days I agonize over it; other times I just say, “No, they don’t want to read my contribution,” and many times I’m just too busy. Other times I want to write a personal note, hey- even a card – but then I never get around to it…

I just had a birthday. First, I want to say – for those of my Facebook friends who did not write on my wall – I completely understand (see above! 🙂 )!

Birthday Wishes and the Characters in our Stories

But, this year, as so often happens, these lovely postings from…

  • the ones that wrote only the two words
  • those who wished that I had a wonderful birthday and/or was celebrated well – I did and I was —
  • and those who spoke briefly of how my life has impacted theirs…

reminded me. Reminded me of the great cloud of witnesses that lives this story with me….

  • girls-turned-women I played tennis with when I was a pigtailed 11-year-old (now I’m a pig-tailed 53-year-old and haters can hate 😉
  • a former student who gave me a heckuva time when they were in my 9th grade English class but have now grown up to live stories of grace (you know who you are:-),
  • people I have never met but am acquainted with through the odd connection of social media…
  • my “big sister” in my sorority who stood about 11 inches lower than me in stature but miles above me in wisdom and faith…
  • and dear friends who have prayed with and for me in the dark days and have celebrated redemption with me in the foretaste of glory days….

I could go on and on…

These postings, cards, texts and toasts from dear friends and family…it is like watching a really good movie trailer…the Spirit parading before me the strange and wonderful characters God has written into my life. They are the Living-Stories-of-Grace God has gifted me.

The Community of Faith

The writer of Hebrews writes about the community of faith,

“Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off the sin which easily entangles us and run with endurance the race set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the Cross, despising the shame, and now sits at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2

The author has in Chapter 11, listed “heroes of faith,” whose stories, if you know some of them, do not exhibit perfect records of faithfulness (think Abraham and Sarah:-). What they do exhibit is God’s perfect faithfulness to them, despite their sometimes wildly erratic record. We run well in the company of others who know our only real hope for faithfulness comes from fixing our eyes together on the only perfectly faithful one – Jesus.

Scotty Smith and Steven Curtis Chapman, in their wonderful book, Restoring Broken Things, write about being “characters and carriers of the gospel.”

God is telling an authentic, non-spin story of selfish, broken people, who are in the process of being made new by Jesus. That’s why Jesus has the lead role in God’s Story. But He’s not the only character. He’s making us characters too. We are carriers of God’s Story – targets for hope who’ll serve as agents of hope, and candidates of mercy who’ll live as conduits of mercy. Jesus is bringing restoration to broken individuals as a means of bringing healing to other individuals, families, communities, and ultimately, to the whole universe.

Here’s the thing – the Christian life is not a solo journey. As I thumb through the catalog of characters who wished me well on my birthday, I remember. I remember the best of times and the worst of times. I remember agents of hope who conducted the mercy of God in my life. I remember God’s marvelous stories of redemption and the people he used in writing them.

What’s Your Story?

Who are the characters and carriers of the gospel in your life?
Why not write their names down or say them aloud and thank God for them.
Or share a little about them in the comments, then send them a link:-)!
Better yet, write them a note telling them a story of how they conducted mercy to you.

Header Photo Courtesy of  Reina Cookies — best cookie ever, and my birthday cake of choice!

Writing to Heal 2: How the Story Turns

Writing to Heal 2: How the Story Turns

Tuesday I told the first part of a “story of humiliation.” Here, the story continues, and I show you how it changed.

Shame, Fear, and the Desire to Disappear

Now I felt really stupid. I know the better word for my feeling was “shame,” but “stupid” reverberated. Being the wordophile I am, I began mentally rehearsing all the words or phrases that described my desire to disappear…I wanted to… “vanish from the face of the earth,” “sink through the floor,” “shrink away to nothing….”

I fought back the tears I had not really had a chance to weep about my father’s cancer, and I truly feared I might have to run to keep from vomiting my sadness right there on the table in front of these women who (I felt) didn’t want to know me.

Time slowed down. Have you ever had this happen? I’m guessing my season of hot shame and fear lasted maybe – 5-7 minutes?? Maybe less. But it felt like being in a movie played in half-time.

A Way Out

Eventually. Somehow. I really can’t remember, I entered the conversation of the women on my left, who were quite welcoming and friendly once they realized I was alone. As we conversed, I occasionally felt remainders of shame lingering on my skin, like thinking you’ve cleaned a mess up but missed some spots.

BUT/AND… I was able to enjoy these delightful women, who all happened to be in a similar age and stage of life as me – which was cool, because we were definitely in the minority:-)!

Here’s the good news: those 5 awful minutes did not kill the whole weekend. In days past, it could have. I could have just hunkered down in shame, crawled inside myself, either metaphorically, or literally, remaining in my room much of the time.

Instead, I continued to reach out and risk introducing myself. In the six meals remaining, I met wild and wonderful women writing for the sake of glory in vastly different arenas – single moms, moms of four little ones, a musician with my same last name (which is rare!), even a woman whose father-in-law had received the same diagnosis as my dad.

  1. Writing to heal.
    I’ve spent long seasons writing and processing deeper stories of shame in my life with good counselors, coaches, and community. This story work has helped me know how to name what is happening DURING such a story, to identify how I’m feeling, and to pray in the moment.
  1. Sharing in safe community.
    I’ve learned — isolation is death. I mentioned I had asked friends and family to pray specifically for me about meeting people.

After the meal, I checked my phone (yes, that would have been an easy default during the terrible moments, but I didn’t go there ;-). My youngest son had texted me, asking how it was going. I responded with a short paragraph describing the “middle school cafeteria experience.” His brief response wrapped kind words around the hurting place in my heart:

“I’m so sorry, Mom. That’s the worst. I know how that feels.”

“I know how that feels.” Empathy. The word breaks down like this:

em – in

path – pathos – feeling or suffering.

We desperately need others to feel with us.

I’ll be honest. After I posted Part 1 of this story yesterday, I struggled with doubts…will this be misread? Will people think I’m playing the victim? Will people think I’m overthinking this?

But through the day, tweets, texts, and emails came in that affirmed – many of you needed to hear this story – to know you’re not alone. And you let me know I was not alone. Empathy.

  1. Writing the story to wrestle with God over it. 

I didn’t have long writing time at the conference, but I took 15 minutes that night and the following day.

I wrote my story as a prayer to God.

Expressing my pain… “Ouch. That hurt. Where were you?” (Even as I sat at the table that night, the Holy Spirit brought to mind these words…”He was despised and rejected…” When we struggle with shame, it is good to know that the one who experienced the deepest shame is right there with us! Right? Isn’t that amazing?!!

Asking God to search me and reveal my heart (Ps. 51)…

What sin might I have brought to the table – or left with?

I recognized the danger that I would judge the women who seemingly snubbed me. It would have been easy to go to self-righteousness, to say, “I would NEVER do that to someone.” But then I had to ask, “But have I done that?” and know the answer is probably “yes.”

  1. Living in uncertainty. Settling in some certainty. In many ways, the story is still confusing. I have omitted some of the subtext that made the story even stranger. It’s not time to share that part of the story widely, and perhaps it never will be.

Asking, seeking, knocking about the uncertainty… “God, it seems like your answer to prayers was sort of the exact opposite of what I prayed. What’s up with that?” I still don’t know for sure, but I have some ideas.

Settling in some certainty…There are things I know to be true – because the Bible tells me so.

We follow a trustworthy God. He is working in all stories to bring about his redemption – in the world, in his people, in our circumstances.

I remember this certainty, my favorite verse, which fills me with great hope.

Dear friends, we are already children of God. But he has not yet shown us what we will be like when he appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is.” 1 John 3:2

Would you like to write a hard story? Make sure you are a “Blog Subscriber,” and tomorrow you will receive a free guide to working through a hard story.

Writing to Heal: A Story

Writing to Heal: A Story

The Story Begins

This past week, I had the great pleasure of gathering with around 400 other women bloggers at the Allume conference. When asked what I blog about, I said something like this:

The Living Story blog helps people learn how God has written his story of grace into the cosmos and into our lives and helps them live in that story.

Why Write Hard Stories

Today, I’m going to share a hard story, a story of feeling humiliated.
Here’s what I don’t want to happen with this:

  • for you to feel sorry for me.
  • for you to make judgments about anyone.

Here’s what I hope will happen:

  • that you will write for at least fifteen minutes over 3 days about one of your own hard stories.
  • That you will ask, pray, wonder aloud or in writing to God what He was up to in those stories.

Here’s why:

  • Scientific research has shown that writing stories helps us heal.
  • It is a gospel reality that God redeems EVERYTHING (Genesis 50: 20).
  • When we write our stories as a way of processing them with God, the Holy Spirit shows us more about God — his glory, holiness, love, and power. The Spirit also shows us more about ourselves – our glory in his image, our sin, and Christ’s redemption.

With that background, here is Part 1. (This is going to be like one of those serial short stories in the newspapers of old — but don’t worry, you’ll get the next installment within two days! (Make sure you’ve subscribed to the blog if you want to receive it in your inbox!).

An Introvert at a Blogger’s Conference: A Story of Shame and Redemption

It had been a rough two weeks, the kind of weeks that you have to remind yourself will make a really good story one day, except in some ways, receiving a dread diagnosis about your Dad’s cancer doesn’t at first seem like it will ever be a really good story one day. But healthcare was done for the week, so I decided to head on to the Allume conference, which I had signed up for months ago.

Introversion

To understand this story, you have to know I’m an introvert. It’s surprising to some, especially since I’m a leader and a teacher. Plus, I really enjoy meeting new people and getting to know their stories.

But I can only do so much before I’m drained. I draw energy from being alone or in a small group of close friends. I am easily over stimulated by lots of noise and activity. So conferences can be challenging, especially when I don’t know anyone there.

That was the case at the Allume conference, so I asked some friends and family to pray particularly for me to be bold and outgoing.

Walking into the Unfamiliar

After a 7-hour drive and a stop at Whole Foods, I made it to the hotel, schlepped my stuff to my room, and spent some time looking through the plentiful swag bag. At 5 till 6, I headed downstairs, where to reach the main ballroom, I had to make my way through a hallway crowded with chattering women and tables spilling over with brightly colored jewels, hundreds of books, shoes, clothes and other merch. (This would be my friend Marcia’s dream scene, but you might guess it was a little daunting for me:-)!)

The expansive main ballroom was filled with lovingly decorated round tables for nine. Taking a deep breath and asking God one more time to help me, I entered, searching for a spot.

My strategy was to find a person or people who looked like they might be “strangers,” “outsiders,” or at the very least, different from me. One thing I have learned about my introversion is that I’m not alone, and reaching out to others helps me get over my own self-consciousness.

Awkwardness, Isolation, and Shame

I spotted a table where four women were already seated and asked if I could join them. One woman looked at me and nodded non-committedly, but quickly turned back to talk with her friend. The woman seated on my right rose as I sat, leaving to talk to a long-lost friend. The fourth woman was far across the table from me and blocked by a centerpiece. So there I was. Just sitting there with my food, feeling …extremely…awkward.

A few minutes later, three other women joined the table, leaving the spot to my left open (I think they assumed I might have a friend joining me). They turned inward toward one another, continuing a lively conversation.

Because this is a blog, I’m going to share a diagram with you of what the table looked like, but I’m going to try to describe in words what I felt like.Diagram of round table

I sat in the middle of a large table, with women all around me. The seats on either side of me were empty. Three women to my right were talking earnestly to one another, and three women to my left were chatting away happily.

I keenly felt my aloneness – literally isolated in a teeming sea of fellow women. But I was still hopeful – I figured eventually someone would sit next to me on the left, and the woman on my right would return, so this awful moment wouldn’t last forever.

In fact, the woman to my right did return, but she scooched her chair closer to her friends, distancing herself from me. And when a woman came to sit on my left, it was clear she actually wanted to sit in my place, next to her friend on my right.

Thunk! That was the sound of my heart landing in my stomach.

Now I felt really stupid.

And yes, I’m breaking the story here, because statistics (which I learned at the fabulous conference!) tell me that 900 words is more than most people will read, and we are a little past that. Stay tuned till tomorrow for the “rest of the story,” and some more help writing your stories. Be sure to subscribe if you haven’t already!

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